new understanding

My dear friend and roommate Kimmy and I had just left a pot luck dinner after each giving a speech at an induction ceremony on what is considered "Mountain Campus" at Berry when the sunset struck me and we had to drive to one of my favorite spots to enjoy it. To the left is a picture of me and then a picture of just the sunset each taken between dancing like we were in Merry Christmas Charlie Brown and making fools of ourselves just because we could. The sunset was unbelievable, especially with the mountains, trees, and a small resevoir in the foreground.

This week has been something else... I've arrived at a few bits of new understanding. Not only have I had the unusual priveledge of having four classes canceled and a paper due date extended, but it's been an interesting chain of events and learning. Monday and Wednesday I picked up my friends' 3 year-old daughter Josey from school and was able to spend the afternoon with her. We played in the leaves and marveled at the crunching; we colored pictures of snowmen families; I cooked dinner while she sat on the counter, soaked it all in, and learned about coffee makers and ice; after dinner we watched Tom & Jerry; she played in my kayak after learning how to wash dishes (but getting bored after a few) and needless to say I think - I loved every minute of it and am thankful for the opportunity to love on this precious little girl. If you know me at all, you know this was the highlight of my week!

On top of hanging out with Josey, having coffee with dear friends which of course included beautiful conversation, I've been learning a ton inside and outside my classes and being able to relate it to my life. The quote of the week is from a cute little old lady that is in my History of Christianity class... "This whole diversity within religion thing just makes sense, as Christians we have the same core belief when we take off all of the different stuff that we pile on top of it." She's so right. I thought about it - my core beliefs are: I believe in God, God created all that I see and don't see and did so out of love, God is love and has shared that love through Jesus' life, death, and resurrection, and is continuing to share it through the Holy Spirit within us, I am called to love and serve God and others. That's about what I've got... Now on top of that I, and you too, have layers of things that I do as my practice of these beliefs and that's totally fine. We've all got our unique ways that God shows us that we are to live out our lives and faith.

That's where I'm at.

reinventing

This is the beauty of autumn at Berry in early November. The leaves are turning, some are on the brink, and many have fallen.

I've realized that with God, I'm reinventing my views and beliefs of what "religion" God is teaching me. I believe in God - no doubt, and I know that I found God through the Christian faith and for that I am thankful. I also believe that I will continue my connection with this God that I know - this God of love and God that is Christ. What I also believe is that God chooses how God wants to connect to each of God's children. God interacts very differently with each of us as unique children of God because of our specific needs, culture, knowledge, etc. I still believe that I am called to share the love of this God that I know and to follow God's teachings and seek God's direction for my life.

God has continually opened my eyes to wonderous aspects of the Divine that I cannot fully comprehend, but that I appreciate and strive to learn more about and to cling to. I have been blessed with an open mind and a yearning to learn and for that I am forever grateful. I love that I have been created this way and pray that I can share that with others. At this point in my life I am learning a tremendous amount about philosophical arguments, religious history, my beliefs and views of God and religion, and how badly I want for God to be the all encompassing love within my life - rather than a part of my life. Yes, I can debate philosophical arguments with the best of them on either side and seem quite unbiased, but from that I learn where my opinions and beliefs lie more deeply because I know all corners of the issue. Learning is a passion of mine and I don't take it lightly. I want to learn as much as possible and I believe that all learning will effect my life in some way. I love that.

The God I love and follow is a God of peace - not confusion.

this semester is closing in

Autumn was like a flash - it seems like the weather is trying to turn into winter way too quickly... I'm hoping that the leaves will take their time to change and fall, and that we'll still have some warm days with chilly nights before the cold, wet winter presses through for good.

This fall semester has been flying by right before my eyes - midterms have passed and today, I registered for my last semester of my undergraduate career (possibly my college career all together). The past two ish months have been interesting, fun, busy, challenging, and startling. I've enjoyed being at Berry again, but my taste of the outside is getting the better of me. I'm getting excited about a new life, excited about new opportunities and growth outside of the bubble, I'm getting sad about leaving my friends that I've lived with and grown with, and I'm realizing that my mind is finding it hard to focus on matters of academia when the near future is blazing in front of me! I constantly tell myself to live in the moment, live in today, but at the same time I look to the future and envision an abundance of knowledge, life, and of course hardships and challenges, but none the less - my heart is leaping for this change of pace.

I was talking to my mom on the phone today and we're signing my truck into my name, rather than my dad's name and my name... It will be my full responsibility now - not partial. Struggling with the insurance company lately made me realize some of the benefits of things like that in being attached to my parents as a dependent. Not for long. Never will I be fully unattached from my parents, but in some aspects I will be. This freedom is enlivening and frightening. I like it. It's amazing to me how many feelings can rush through you all at once and it be so difficult to figure them out and try to decipher what exactly your body is telling you... I can't comprehend how our bodies work and it astounds me - I love it! We are such intricate creatures made so precisely and purposefully. God throws me for a loop in every circumstance. In my mind, I understand not everyone thinks this way, God (as we have decided to call that infinite being living in everything we see and don't see) is unmistakable - I cannot make myself ignore God or what God has created, done, or is doing. I am uncapable of not seeing God in the intricately woven simplicities of this world.

I'm overwhelmed sometimes by what all makes up this world we live in, the bodies we inhabit, and the people we interact with. It's all so interesting and amazing... Beauty.

I can write on and on here, but really I'm supposed to be writing a paper for my History of Christianity class and preparing a presentation. That will come soon enough - well hopefully very soon seeing as how it's due tomorrow afternoon! I'll spare you anymore floaty descriptions of where I sit right now and get to working on things that have to get accomplished in the real world. =) This degree has to be completed - it's the nature of how we live... it's important here and now.

whirlwind

This weekend has been a complete whirlwind. Get ready, this is a little long...

Friday was a splendid day spent working with two of my favorite organizations - Higher Ground and the BOLD program. Not only was I able to minister with good friends to some amazing 7th grade girls on a ropes course in Alabama, but I returned to Berry to teach new employees about our job! Beautiful if you ask me! I caught up with my philosophy professor before calling my Mom, took a much needed afternoon nap, and spent the evening with my wonderful housemates painting the town =). Homemade cookies were definitely in the mix.

Saturday was spent relaxing at the house gettin some BOLD details hashed out on the computer before spending a few more hours with my new employees teaching them a few more things. My lifelong roommate Kimmy and I ate at one of our favorite restaurants for lunch and I had the pleasure of spending some evening TV time with Steph before retiring for the night.

Sunday, today, is what makes this whole thing so interesting. Woke up this morning in plenty of time to get up and ready for church. Left a quiet house to be a part of a college group at the local Presbyterian church. I've been a part of this group for a few years now, and it continues to change. The students and the leaders of the group have both changed and it's still a great learning and growing experience. A true teaching of the Word and its' application to our lives. From there I walked down Broad St. to Connect Rome, or Church in a Bar as they are now tagged, a non-denominational church started last Spring while I was away. My friend Jeannene plays a large role in the church and I promised her I'd be by this Sunday for worship. The music wasn't quite my usual - I'm not the biggest fan of really loud music in close proximities, call me weird - but I appreciated the songs' meanings and the message was quite powerful. The type of message that calls you into action and makes you want to do something. Anything.

The pastor brought up a mission they are a part of, Shoes for Souls, with the charge that you could leave your shoes there to be donated to someone in need of shoes. Automatically, the picture in my head was of my chacos sitting in a shipping box by my townhouse door. I've been procrastinating about printing out a request for repair and shipping them off to the Chaco folks. I did not feel moved to leave the shoes I was wearing and instantly wondered if I would be judged for my decision. I felt guilty, almost thinking that it would all be settled if I got up in front and told everyone my plan and why I wasn't leaving my shoes at the altar. Weird. That's not necessary and I had no reason to feel guilty from the way the idea was presented. On top of that - what would it mean to God if I justified my calling from him (that told me to ship my chacos to Shoes for Souls once I returned home) in front of all these people? Seems like it might be me trying to prove myself or gain selfishly for telling everyone what "I was going to do." Odd. I wasn't sure how I felt as I left, as I said goodbye to my busy friend Jeannene and walked out with my shoes on, onto Broad St.

As I was contemplating my idea about shipping the Chacos I was trying to figure out why it was those shoes and not the ones on my feet that I needed to get rid of. It reminded me of a story we read in history of Christianity class two weeks ago: The Martyrdom of Perpetua. Perpetua was in jail for being a Christian. In jail she breast-fed her baby until he no longer needed her and then gave him over to her father. Her father pleaded with Perpetua to come home and obey his order to just accept the Roman law - for his sake, for her son's sake, for her sake. Perpetua boldly told her father that she was no longer his daughter, nor was she her son's mother. The only descriptor she would accept now was Christian, follower of Christ. It might seem far-fetched, I'm not sure. I see the chacos as one of those descriptors that Perpetua was letting go; when I wear them, they define me somehow. Why? I'm not sure, but I am sure that I have no need of that extra descriptor of who I am. I want to be content with being a follower of Christ - not a "granola" or whatever else someone who sees me wearing my chacos might call me. Thanks Perpetua. Not only did you give your life in the effort to shed light on the Truth, but you taught me a little bit more about what it means to live for the Truth, to live as a follower of Christ instead of whatever labels might be placed on me in this world.

Ok so the day continues. A friend Steph and I were planning on lunch after church just on the other side of Broad St. As the morning would have it, she slept through her alarm and wasn't able to make it on time- we talked on the phone and we planned to have a later lunch. I think that because of my feelings of inadequacy upon leaving church this interaction with my friend made me feel sad because I didn't think I meant enough to her for her to worry about waking up on time and meeting me for lunch. I walked back to my car and drove silently back to campus. After mulling this over in my head I knew that I just wanted to be honest about my feelings with Steph so that she could know. How else would she know how it made me feel when she didn't wake up in time to meet up with me? Exactly, she wouldn't, but I would. I told Steph how I felt and it made for an awkward situation, but after talking it out a little bit we wiped it away and had a great lunch. I wish I could say my whirlwind was over, but I haven't made a 360 yet...

The remainder of my day was spent in an apathetic mood trying to find motivation to do much of anything: study for a test tomorrow, exercise, clean up, etc. It wasn't until I was taking out the trash with Amanda that I said what I'd been feeling outloud. Amanda was exactly what I needed, thank the Lord. She mentioned that in a conversation with another friend, they realized how weird it was to be at Berry after spending an extended amount of time studying and living some place completely different. Amanda - Costa Rica, Jessica - Europe, and myself - California & Ecaudor. Of course, I just didn't put the two together- this has been weird and I miss last Spring in its' entirety very much. Thank you God for speaking through Amanda tonight.

Sorry for the long post - it was a big weekend.

Here are some photos from my Labor Day adventures with my parents

settling

I'm currently spending a Friday night in my townhouse and without my three roommates. It might sound crazy but it's the best way to start off a 3-day weekend! After crashing for a few hours with Peggy on mountain campus I started my evening festitivities. Swung by my favorite Roman restaraunt, the Shrimp Boat, for some to-go dinner, next to the grocery to buy some girls night accessories, then back to the townhouse. I sat around for a while watching a chick-flick, doing laundry, and spending a girls night with myself. Once the laundry was finished and put away I just had the urge to finish my organizing, cleaning, and throwing away that I hadn't gotten to since moving in a couple weeks ago. I have to say these events were the perfect way to unwind from the first few hectic weeks of the semester and have some alone time.

I'm very glad to be back at Berry, but things are busy like usual and my courses seem to have more reading than ever before! Or maybe I'm actually trying to get the reading done this semester..? I'm not sure. Hannah and I have found our saving grace for the week - about a 10mile bike ride discovering new places on campus every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. These have been really great times of not only excersize, but fun exploration, and catching up on life with eachother. Love it. I look forward to my relationships with friends this year and to seeing my family tomorrow for the Labor Day weekend. Now if I could just pause right here and not have to write those 8 or so papers and think about future after Berry for a while - that would be nice =)!

This is my abode for the year. Please notice, not only do I have my infamous world map, but I've included my routed map of California from last semester's spring break. I'll be putting more routes on there some day!

movement

Leaving my home in Winder yesterday was unusually bittersweet. I spent the morning packing up last minute things, having breakfast with a dear friend Laura, and then packing my truck. My brother and I carried the boxes from my room, outside into the blistering heat of August in Georgia. I couldn't have been any more thankful for Ryan that morning. Not merely because he was helping me carry heavy boxes, but because he made the time to help and be with me. Thursday morning a song came on my stereo while I was in the shower that got me all nostalgic about the house that we grew up in on 3rd Avenue and yesterday continued on that path of memories, family, and the idea of "home." Not that I lived at my parents' house for very extended periods of time this summer, but it was where I came home to after visiting other family members or working at various places. I realized that it's possible I will not live at my parents' house for any length of time again. After I graduate college in May, Winder may or may not be where I end up for a while... I'm excited about leaving some things about the town in general, but getting out from beneath my parents' roof for good is a little saddening.

All of that said, this is the most excited I've been for the school year to start that I can remember. I love the friends that I live with, am surrounded by, and hopefully will meet this year. My course load isn't heavy and it's filled with things I want to learn more about. I only have one job and the normal responsibilities of a student, so therefore I'm going to have more time to spend with people I love and do the things that I enjoy.

This should be an interesting semester, and year, to say the least.

has the summer really been that wonderful?!

After a day of family on the 4th of July I made my way from the cabin to Lake Burton. Day 1 of YMCA Camp High Harbour 2009. This year posed to be very different from last year. I knew the staff, really loved the Trailblazer staff (my program), and was soon going to find out that I knew a ton of the campers, too! Four jam-packed weeks of climbing and rappelling, hiking, camping, caving, whitewater rafting, and loving these middle and high schoolers. Camp is an interesting place to say the least. It's no doubt a place where you can be yourself and that's alright, but it's also what you make it. Waking up and looking at the fog over Lake Russell after camping out, or listening to the stories around the campfire while the kids eat s'mores and get it all over their faces without knowing it, and especially choking up when a camper comes up and gives you the biggest hug and tells you that they just don't want to be any place but there with you at camp - it's then that I know. I know that God allows me (and others at camp) to be a part of these kids lives for a reason. I don't usually get to know the reason, but I pray that the one or two weeks these campers spend at camp are a positive influence in their lives somehow. I'm very thankful that I sought the Lord's guidance this past year in deciding whether or not to return to camp. I know that I, as well as my staff, grew because of the four weeks we spent together learning about ourselves and how we fit in this world with God as our ultimate leader. Many of us won't return next year, some because we'll have graduated college or some because they know the Lord is taking them somewhere else, and this year was a wonderful experience that made me more aware of the way the Lord uses us when we don't realize. I'll miss Camp High Harbour, but I know that a little piece of it will never leave me.

After I left the gates of camp I went back to the cabin to rest for a night. My parents came up and we had dinner together before I lead a backpacking trip with Nathan the next week. From the cabin I took my time and meandered my way up to the Ocoee in Tennessee to prepare for and begin this trip. This next week ended up being the most incredible next step put in place for me by God. Nathan brought me right in and we split teaching and leading and duties of being the leaders. It was such a good learning experience for me and I loved every minute of it. The group was from Pensacola and consisted of high school leaders in their youth group at church and a couple adult leaders. They were a dynamic and willing group that just blew me away in the way they really engulfed everything we talked about that week in relation to spirituality, leadership, and backpacking. Loved it.

A side note would be that while on the trip, we found ourselves on a trail that we had not planned to be on and that we were not sure of its location. Umm, yep we got a little lost. BUT... if you kept up with my ISAS semester then you know a little bit about me and being lost. Well, the Lord has taught me so much and he reiterated some of his teachings during this time. Nathan and I were able to come up with a plan, take care of the group, find our way out of being lost, and use it as a teachable moment all in one afternoon/evening. Thank the Lord! The Lord laid upon me a blanket of calmness and assurance that was unmistakable in the woods that day...

We finished our trip with a morning of whitewater rafting on the Ocoee and went our separate ways. I went home to my parents place to regroup and reconnect with the world, technologically speaking. No sooner did I finish my laundry that I found out I had a wedding shower to attend in Rome on Saturday... Back in action! Haha, the weekend turned out to be a beautiful time with some Berry friends from afar and now I'm looking forward to spending even more time with them at the wedding next weekend right before I get settled back into Berry for the year. Which I am uber excited about - it's been 8 months since I've lived at or gone to classes at Berry and I cannot wait! My prophesy is that this is going to be a phenomenal year and I'm looking forward to savoring every minute of it! After of course I take a few laps around the pool outside because it's so stinking hot! =)

just a little bit longer

I've returned home to Winder once again after a week of travels. I spent a few days at Berry in the beginning of the week followed by some quality time in Aiken, South Carolina with my Aunt.

While at Berry I was the Lead of a rock climbing day for 17 high school girls and their 2 counselors from an all girls camp in Alabama working alongside 4 more staff members. This was my first opportunity to be "the Lead" in charge of the staff and group with the most knowledge on hand. It was a phenomenal experience that I couldn't have fabricated to make it go any more smoothly. Even though I struggled for sleep the night before with nerves and all, once meeting up with my staff the day started off beautifully! Good conversation on the drive to Alabama, anchors set, lines dropped, harnesses tied in and belay anchors ready and set with the staff rearing to go. The group of fun, lively high school girls arrived and the day coasted along. The girls learned about pushing beyond fear, encouraging each other, and speaking positively to yourself when it's the last thing you can think to do. Of course we had one case of dehydration, the day was hot and humid. But as she was getting on the bus there was no doubt she had made it back to almost 100%. Good day all packed up and headed out.

A little example of my handiwork, if you can tell what it is...

Once back at good ole Berry College - I completed my tasks necessary to be considered a real Berry alumni... No I didn't finish all of my courses, nor did I make it to all of my cultural events, but I took a warm swim in the reservoir up past the Old Mill. It was the most gorgeous ending to a beautiful day with a good friend!

I spent one more day at my deer-filled campus and around Rome visiting some friends before heading off early the next morning for my aunt's house in South Carolina.

Almost at her place, I drive down this road and soak in the enormous trees enveloping the road and shading the oncoming cars from the blistering summer sun. It's my favorite part about this quaint town. The weekend was filled with really good time spent with my aunt from seeing movies (by the way, I think the Proposal is a really good film, check it out!), to cooking homemade peanut butter cookies, and browsing handmade pottery at the local art gallery. Love it.

I made it home in time to spend Father's day with my family by the pool. Well, in the pool mostly because the death index made it almost impossible to just lay around without being in the water. Got a few days to be here before helping with the rafting class in Tennessee later in the week - my favorite class of the year, might I add? Definitely looking forward to another week. Just a little bit longer until camp begins around the 4th of July...

oh life...

Looking at the past few weeks and looking ahead a those to come it seems busy but I sure am enjoying where I'm at right now. I just got back to Winder for a couple nights after a week away.

I spent a couple full days in and around Rome working (beautiful full days in the Georgia/Alabama sun) and enjoying every minute of it. One day of rock climbing site training followed by a day of team building with about 80 middle schoolers on the challenge course. On my way out of Rome I spent over an hour with a great friend having coffee and being encouraged by her and the Lord before seeing another great friend in Atlanta and finally getting a chance to catch up in person. All of this was the creation of a great day on the way to Augusta, GA to spend a few days with my grandfather. Not only does that consist of good food, good rest, and lots of love, but also tons of HGTV!

Once I made my way back home, Ryan and I spent the day at what he now calls his "honey hole" doing some fishing and just enjoying each other's company. We caught a few bass, laughed at me making a fool of myself, and sat side by side on a make-shift bench. The past few days have shown me yet again, that God's timing is perfect and unmistakable. That night was spent bowling with some old friends leading to inevitable sleeping in... Today I spent a few hours in the kitchen, a habit that I've been missing since leaving California, baking and cooking dinner for the whole family. There are things about this town that I just won't miss, but weekends like this are what I never want to forgo.

This next week is pretty similar in schedule so we'll see what happens. A couple days in Rome and the surrounding areas again for work (leading a group of 17 high school girls rock climbing in Alabama for a day and an intro class session for whitewater rafting at Berry) followed by hopefully just as beautiful of a trek from Rome to south Georgia only to continue into Aiken, South Carolina to spend some time with my aunt. Who knows what we'll do, but Aiken is a cute little place and my aunt probably has some things planned that I'll find out when I get there, so it should be good!



Coffee on Wednesday morning reminded me of a few things... People have been placed in my life for a reason and I'm specifically thankful for my great friend who so boldly insisted that we be accountability partners. I can make plans, but ultimately if I travel loosely tied to anything in particular - it's much smoother and more enjoyable to spend time with those I love. There are no excuses for being a slacker - I know it, my great friends know it, and God knows it - I need to be connected to Him... so here we go =)

the double rainbow... kind of this is what I call home

a picture of what words can't describe about my spring break travel experience around California

just call me... WFR (pronounced woofer)

I am officially a Wilderness First Responder! Shoo wee, I'm glad I've got it but man did it wear me out! I came home Tuesday afternoon and after some dinner went to sleep. I slept until 10:30am, which if you don't know - is sleeping WAY in for me! These couple days at home in my parents house in Winder have been a blessing. Sitting around in my pajamas until way past lunchtime, drinking coffee, watching Cash Cab, running errands, and not doing a whole lot other than being with family is niiiice! I'm envisioning that every time I come home for a few days this summer it's going to look a whole lot like this visit. =)

The course was 10 days of pretty much 8-5 in and out of the classroom learning and practicing. I met and got to know the other 18 people in the class and became good friends with a handful. I really do enjoy meeting and getting to know new people and this opportunity was no let down. We had a lot of good times and good conversation, even if we were in podunk Milledgeville...

Berry is beckoning me... I'll be driving through Rome tomorrow into the backwoods of southeastern Alabama to work a day course with the Berry Outdoor Leadership Development Program, BOLD, that I work for throughout the year. It fits right in because I'll get to stay and celebrate Danae's big 2-1 birthday before returning to Winder on Sunday for my dad's big... umm, just a big ole birthday ;)! I came to the conclusion today that I'm floating around Georgia for the summer if anyone ever asks - because that's the only thing I can think of that fits. I don't really have a home base, other than my parents house, but I won't even be there for the majority. Soon comes a few days of YMCA Camp High Harbour Trailblazer training in NE Georgia near Clayton, hopefully a little backpacking trip, and up next - my big 2-1 birthday on June 3rd! Wow, things sure do sneak up on me...

the return

I've made it back to the East coast and it seems like I've been 'busy' but really I think it's been just right!
I was picked up at the airport by both parents and my brother, Ryan - couldn't have asked for anything more! I was happy to be home after a long day of smooth traveling and especially happy to see my brother for the first time in four months.

After unpacking only what was necessary I started in on the jet-lag battle of sleep. My couple days in Winder were spent visiting with my parents and brother, a handful of friends, my church family, my grandfather and his wife, and re-packing for a reunion trip to Berry. I set sail for Berry and after just one stop-over at Waffle House (because of the jet-lag battle again) for coffee I entered the Bubble for the first time since December. The welcoming committee struck gold: Hannah yelling my name and us making a run for our first embrace, Kimmy and Danae coming outside because of the commotion, and entering a townhouse of love to tell stories and exchange gifts... perfect! The week was shared with my best friends and filled with relaxation, exactly what I needed. Throw in a suprise dinner with the BOLD staff, coffee and conversation with Nathan and the girls, and babysitting Olivia and catching up with the Sands with Stephie. I was thankful for the handful of items that I was packing up to take home, opposed to all the other cars in the parking lot packed to the brim.

Leaving the Bubble again, I made my familiar trek back through Atlanta to Winder again for just another night. This afternoon was spent with Kristi, finally we got to spend some time together. We checked out the new shopping center in Barrow County, yes there is a Target - believe it... and snagged some dinner only to continue our catching up another time because I would be off again the very next day. After a little Mom's day celebration I traveled down past the Gnat line into Milledgeville. I'll have to post a picture from my trip - I saw a double rainbow for the first time ever, it was beautiful. I've made it to the Georgia College & State University's Outdoor Center Lodge where I'll be staying during my Wilderness First Responder Course - 8 days and I'll be on my way back to Winder.
I guess we'll see where I go from there =)

embarking

Well here we go - blogging throughout the ISAS semester has put a new love inside of me to blog. I want to have a place to update others about my life if they want to see what's going on and how things are going. Who knows how often or how long this will happen, but as for now I'm excited about keeping it up as a way to let friends and family that I don't see as often to know a little blurb about life on my side of the world - wherever that may be.

I'll be embarking on my journey back to the East coast of the states on Sunday from 4 months away. The past 4 months were spent in Bass Lake, California, Ecuador, Yosemite National Park, and even a week of California travel. I'm looking forward to the warm and humid summer so typical of Georgia filled with family, friends, a little work, a little class, a good bit of play, and some camp in July. I guess we'll see where this journey takes me from here...