never quite what you expect

Those words ring incredibly true, right? Things just never seem to be exactly what I expect them to be. Not necessarily in a negative way... I kind of enjoy the surprise of knowing that if I come up with expectations (well, if I allow myself to realize my expectations) a little something different will happen that mixes it all up.

All of a suddent it's almost the day that we celebrate Christmas, that means the new year is right around the corner, and just as close is my flight back to the other side of the continent. =) I'm excited. I've needed this time, this change of pace, this abundance of familial love, and preparation. I'm thankful and striving to trust as this walk continues...

I'll have to write more later - I need to get ingredients for Christmas eve breakfast for dinner, I decided we would start a new tradition this year.

a return

About a week ago I got a lot of flack for not posting yet this month. A friend had noticed that I'd been posting about once a month and November was significantly lacking... but that has certainly not been the case.

--the fall colors of North GA--

Ever since my return to the eastern US I have been on the move. I've lost count of how many nights I spent this past month in unfamiliar beds, futons, and pods (explanation will come later) in the homes of friends, family members, and strangers. If you know me at all - you know I absolutely loved it! ... being at home in someone else's home and spending sweet time with all of those whom shared their lives with me. As hard as it is for me to sit back and allow someone to cook me dinner, buy my coffee, provide a clean towel, or even lend me warmer clothing I have realized that's exactly what those friends needed - the opportunity to serve, to express hospitality, to show love through providing for my basic needs. I know how much I appreciate serving others and creating a home for them in a place that before- was simply a house. so good to allow others to show me some love =)


--my sweet cousin Levi in Knoxville, TN--

The reason I've been able to travel around Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, Kentucky, and North Carolina is because my job description has been tweaked. Not only am I a wilderness instructor for Summit, but I can now say that I am a recruiter and an ISAS program coordinator. It has been my pleasure to travel to college campuses and introduce people to the opportunities that Summit has to offer. I then move into coffee shop/computer mode while I coordinate plans for the spring ISAS semester program and keep communications going with contacts I've made at those beautiful colleges.





--my first hockey game, Atlanta Thrashers--

Before returning here, I didn't realize how much I needed to be consistently surrounded by people who really know me. It's amazing how comforting a conversation can be with an old friend who remembers a story about you two from middle school, or a cousin who can reminiss about our sweet grandmother with you, or a brother who confides in you because you just get where he's coming from... So fulfilling - updating without including any backstory, having to answer deep questions about personal growth and spiritual learnings because a dear friend wants to know, and sharing life together.


hiking with dad - my favorite part about Wednesdays (his days off) these are a couple of our interesting finds... huge cairns and a hole in the shape of a heart not carved into the tree, but naturally there (we think)

I'm thankful for this beautiful and unique time in my life.

baking

I found myself in front of a pre-heating oven in a cold cabin listening to the rain and thunder welcoming in the beautiful season of autumn in California.

At first, the oven was my heat source, I was freezing! After drinking a little hot tea and eating some soup I was inspired. I needed to bake. At this point, I scrounge in the cupboards, look in the fridge, and rattle my brain for recipes with what I've got:

eggs - check; unsweetened baking chocolate - tons!; flour - both white and wheat, use sparingly; oats - yep; sugar - brown and white; hmmmmm.... sounds good.

1-bowl brownies stole my heart right from the inside of the baker's chocolate box. so I made it happen, but not alone.

I tuned into Pandora and shuffled around on a station based on Rosie Thomas and Ray LaMontagne (of course) and settled in at home in the kitchen wrapped in the creation of something tasty and warm. There's something about baking that warms not only the house, but my soul. There's an adventure in the measuring, or not measuring, and the taste-testing that I hold so dear. I love it, absolutely love it.

This cold and wet autumn night is a quiet one. It's been raining for about 5 hours now and it all started with phenomenal thunder and abrupt showers around 4 this afternoon - very unlike this area but definitely a sign that cold weather systems are trying to push their way in.

I just got back in town after a beautiful journey to see a dear dear friend in Washington. She had no clue - another friend visiting her helped me plan the surprise and it was exactly that, a complete and utter surprise! Another thing I love - surprises. Just getting to spend a little time and some good conversations made it worth the 23 hour train ride there and 2 hour flight back.

This is a picture I took while on a walk with a couple new friends in down town Tacoma, strolling next to the water, drooling. Not just over Mount Rainier that I will one day climb, but also the inspiring sail boats that bring back my love (again) of boats and desire to learn how to sail. One day.

Then of course on the flight back today I sat next to a guy who was telling me that he takes his son and daughter on a catamaran that he and his brothers own.

Sometimes I find it hard to be thankful and joyful for the things I've been given, or blessed with - knowing that others are worthy of the things I have, yet they don't have them. I end up feeling guilty for being it a positive place in life and striving to break out of that and finding how I can be compassionate for that person who I can truly empathize with. I'm seeking to understand the ways that I can be compassionate and loving towards others who are in need of something intangible that I have, such as rest. I got sick last week and had no other option other than sleeping, sitting, and finally resting in the breath of God for a bit while others took care of me. So I currently feel rested, but I struggle to be ok with that when I talk to others who aren't rested or can't find the time to rest - where I was about a week and a half ago. I can only hope that I can allow God to pour through me in whatever way others need.

being here

It's officially September and autumn is coming.
Not only are the nights getting crisp in the mountains of California, but Georgia is also getting a glimpse of the return of enjoyable weather.
I spent a week or so in Georgia for one of my best friends' weddings - it was a beautiful visit filled with old and new friends, leading some incredible young girls in Alabama for a couple days, spending sweet time with family, and going for a much needed bike ride. It was definitely another whirlwind of an adventure but I'm incredibly glad it happened.
I've had the chance to do a good bit of logistics and planning lately for courses out here in the Sierra and was very glad to spend some time in the field with 160 9th graders this weekend. It was crazy but lovely all at the same time. New friends were made, old friends reunited, and a lot of students and teachers experiencing new things and growing closer together and with God.

I love the cool evenings followed by crisp, cold mornings filled with coffee, hot fires, and tons of laughs from flashlight-filled tents. This reminds me how much I love what I have the great opportunity to do while I'm here and what a blessing it is. It definitely helps even more when a weekend like this is capped with a busy day of cleaning, singing, eating El Cid, and getting re-plugged in with co-workers and last but certainly not least - an overdue conversation with a sister on the swing. =)

strangers no more

Picnicking on the beach with dear friends, that I can no longer imagine being strangers, we talk about the summer gone by.
Somehow mid-May quickly moved into the sequential months and early-August is currently upon us. This time marks an ending of a beautiful and far too short summer spent with incredible people, learning and growing in our relationships with God and each other, striving to provide that same experience for others who come on our courses. As we look back on the past 3 months stories, quotes, experiences, people, and unforgettable conversations come into the forefront of our minds.
Ben and I were brainstorming why we love this community, these people, so much... it's because how often do you find a group of people around the same age, who enjoy doing the same things for fun that you do, appreciate meaningful conversation, want to share all of life together, and love Jesus and strive to be like Him? Yeah... exactly, it's hard to come by and easy to miss.
Lord willing, we'll all be in this place again come next May living and growing together again.

As for now, I'm seeking - go figure! I think I will gladly be in a continual state of seeking throughout my life. Always seeking something different, but looking and being excited about the search all the same. Excitement mixed with a good nights rest and a cup of delicious fruit smoothie lends to shakey hands and butterflies. Who knows where October will take me... the window that I look through right now is so vast and so open that it's hard to fathom a distinct direction. I think about, well what do I love doing? and the answer is what I'm currently doing. Now I think about, well if I'm going to be doing this the rest of my life - what should I do right now? and the answer is hmm, good question. Then I consider, well where in the world do I want to go next? and the answer is anywhere with the potential of good relationships, growth, and flexibility. I'm feeling flexible right now and I want to spend Christmas with my family - that's all I've got! Haha.

This is the day that I thank God for technological advancements... social networking, email, snail mail, telephone calls and even text messaging because we are strangers no more, we are friends.

connected

Late July is here and the transition between Spring and Summer is in full force from the emerging of the wildflowers to the disappearing of the snow plants.
On a recent trip to Los Angeles I saw the true golden hills of California for the first time. Summer came late this year, thankfully, and the brown of the grass and bushes tricks your eyes into thinking it's actually gold. I spent a long weekend with friends old and new having many adventures and tons of fun. Soon after I worked a course with dads and their kids for about four days. I absolutely loved it. I was empowered and challenged to teach and lead in every way that I am capable rather than selling myself short. What a great experience. I grew in my confidence and opened myself up for God to work through me in the lives of these families.
Can't wait to see my dad tomorrow.
I found it near impossible to travel five hours in a car with a good friend Rob and not have meaningful conversation. We talked about my past, about crummy old friendships, and about how those things have impacted my life from that point until now and looking to the future of my growth. It's way insightful to reflect back on past experiences and life in general to figure out how God has changed me and taught me about love.
I leave for Georgia soon and am looking forward to spending time with my family and a handful of friends. Weddings are on the brain - Laura's will fill my life the next two weeks and then Hannah's soon to come. Way fun and way interesting as well. Thinking about two of my best friends moving into that stage of life is a little intimidating and certainly makes my mind wander... We'll leave it at that =)
I will miss this place and these dear friends during my time in Georgia but will be returning soon. My heart leaps, for many reasons, thinking about the near and far future. I've been brainstorming and chatting lately about opening or re-opening doors to make employment plans.

I'm unsure of where my feet will tread but I'm following, as closely as I can, the journey prepared before me.

home again home again

Every time we pulled into the driveway when I was little my Dad and I would say: home again home again jiggity jig! (or I would at the very least, think of it silently with a silly little grin)
Well, I've got a couple homes right now - my home in Winder with Mom, Dad, and Ryan and a home that I've missed until now in Bass Lake that is warm and full of love.
I'm here on the west coast learning to live. Learning to live with myself, learning to live with new friends, learning to live in Christ in a new way. Before stepping onto the plane in Georgia I had no idea what to expect of the community that I was going to step off to in California. My good friend Jeff told me I had two options: either I would find a community that would foster growth, love, and companionship for the summer and create long-lasting friendships OR I would find a positive place but more a time for personal and inward growth with Christ and myself. I've stumbled upon the first option with room for the second to be discovered as well. How beautiful! I cannot say how thankful I am for this community of new friends, encouraging brothers and sisters in Christ, and phenomenal opportunities to serve others in the capacity that God has given us.

So far - I have one word: encouragement. That's what I find here.

The new instructors for the summer (including myself) arrived just in time to meet and greet, prepare, and set off on a 10day snow-filled journey into the backcountry. Time wasn't wasted - it wasn't a mile into the drive that important questions were being asked and hearts were meeting in a 15passenger van headed into the valley. The 10days were consumed by new friendships, challenges, growth, love, selflessness, encouragement, emotions, insights, and rejoicing. What started in Yosemite ended in the Ansel Adams and then cruised into Bass Lake soon after. After some celebrating and rest our friend Ross headed back home since he won't be working with us this summer. There we were, unsure of what "staff orientation" would look like, newly clean, nervous, excited, and eager to put to work what we had been learning. The returning staff trickled in and a morning on Mono rock brought us all together. The weekend passed quickly as we camped, hiked, climbed, and oh wait - one more time - learned of course =).

The work begins... Today - day 1 of summer program planning. Tomorrow we'll all be together to learn of the details of our first course that we'll all be lending a hand with here soon. It's hard to believe that the job position I admired over a year ago is now under my name and all this training and preparation will come to fruition in less than 48 hours.


I love it. God provides. "If you don't let go you can't change, you can only bend"

why isn't a week longer than 7 days?

to start off next week with a bang I'll be flying over the nation once more to reunite with the open arms of the west coast.

This week (psh, where did that 7 days go?) has been, is, and will be filled with last minute errands, online-ordering, planning and preparing, re-organizing and packing, along with quick hello's and see you soon's. My stomach is teeming with the butterflies of nervousness, excitement, and the wish that time would just slow it down a little! The feeling is bittersweet - kind of like a jalepeno-pickled-carrot from Los Amigos.

More updates will come soon from the Westward Bound. Right now I've had this window open for over an hour while I continually got side-tracked on the phone and computer.




oh yeah - I graduated Saturday =)!

it's about that time

for a lot of things =) !

One, it's about that time for me to post again
Two, it's about that time for me to graduate from Berry College with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Outdoor Education and Religion
Three, it's about that time for me to fly out to the West coast (again) and embark in my next season of life
Four, it's about that time for me to sit and listen to what God has in store and reflect on the ways I've been prepared

Wild is a good way to describe the last few months of my life at Berry. Time has taken me by storm. So much has happened and is currently happening, and time is just slipping out from under me like a rug.
Life has gotten busy again. This includes work, internship, social, and personal committments. I certainly enjoy (almost) all that I am doing but can accept that this time is coming to a close. I love learning, I love the job I have, I love the friends I have, I love the place that I live, but I also love the way it is preparing me for what is to come. Preparation has been so evident to me lately. While training this semester for my first sprint triathlon I realized that completing the triathlon wasn't the end mark. In the midst of this training I accepted a job for the summer as an Assistant Intructor at Summit - a wilderness ministry organization (to put it in short). This will require a physical, mental, and spiritual preparedness. The next step past being prepared for the triathlon is being prepared for this summer. My triathlon training, as well as completing the triathlon itself, has been preparing me for this summer. -->That was an incredible realization!

All the while I thought this whole triathlon idea was just something I decided to do... Well, yes it was something I decided to do, but there's more to it. The physical preparation of training for and completing the triathlon has gotten me into the shape necessary for this summer. This wasn't easy, this training was sometimes annoying, sometimes grueling, and sometimes I just rather sleep than ride my bike (ok so that one is rare). But, when it came down to it - I knew that this endurance, power, and self-discipline was preparing me for something greater. 2 Timothy proclaims that God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self discipline. Praise be to God because I sure know I didn't come to this place on my own strength! I'm increasingly thankful for this experience to remind of my reliance on strength, love, and discipline not of myself but from God that I've been given as a gift. The other two gifts I've been given through this experience were two beautiful gifts of friendship. More than your average friendship, but friends that allow God to speak and move through them within all of our relationships. I love them beyond measure and am thankful for our places in eachother's lives that are so undeniable. We are sisters for sure, some might even call us Triathletes.
We woudn't have crossed the finish line alone in Savannah that crisp April morning...

I pray that I seek the time these next couple weeks to reflect on how I'm being prepared and soak that preparation in. I'm thankful for all of those who have taken a part in that preparation - whether they know that has been a role they have fulfilled, or not. It's mysterious and I love it.

coming to truth

I'm taking a class right now about Christian ministry and education. Going into it, I wasn't sure what to expect and I daily reach that conclusion about what it coming next. I never know what the day will be like at 12:30pm when I walk into Doc's classroom. Today was an especially motivating and stirring day. Doc made it clear in the beginning of the semester that he wasn't teaching the class so that we could walk out each day smiling about being a "Christian." The point of the class is to talk about real thing involving Christian ministry and education and marinate on what we believe, why, and dig deeper into what we're unsure of.

Today we talked about three chapters we read out of Adventures in Missing the Point (McClaren and Campolo): Doubt, Women in Ministry, and Theology.
-- The following is a description of where I'm at, connections with class discussion, and what I'm doing here --
Starting with the authority of scripture and the authority that God has given us and what we are called to do with that. We are given authority and are called to submit that authority to God. Therefore, scripture is given authority by God and we are called to submit that authority to God as well. Yes, I believe that the Bible is God-inspired and breathed word, but I also believe that the writers and translators as humans put their own 2cents in the book as well. This brings me to the conclusion that I must submit the words of scripture to the translation of the Holy Spirit to give meaning to my own life and direction in following Christ's example. A wise friend paraphrased from the book The Shack and told me that the Bible isn't an instruction manual, yet it is the story of Jesus and how He lived - our guidance for how we should live. I believe that in all literature that we read we are to seek the Truth and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Seek. Seeking. Seeker. Wow the implications - I strive to do and continue and be those three words in relation to the Truth.
The concept of seeking comes into play when discussing doubt. I have been learning how to positively and negatively doubt throughout the past four years. Doubt can be an important part of finding what is True and untrue if in our doubts and/or questioning we seek that Truth of God. It's not always easy to be in a time of doubt, but as I glance back at my times of doubt I realize the new learnings that came out of those times once I stepped forward into submitting my lack of knowledge, understanding, and faith to the Holy Spirit really in an act of faith to walk in the journey of new Truth being revealed.
I think I babbled a little bit, used a few too many commas, and maybe even too many words in my sentences - but that's how it came out.

I am striving to seek. To be a constant seeker, using my doubt for furthering my understanding and faith in the Truth.
I have an ultimate role model - Jesus. I have many earthly role models that I have seen to demonstrate many qualities of Jesus in a way that I can comprehend. I have many Biblical role models in which the Holy Spirit speaks through their written lives to show me what God means in saying that we are to live as Christ lived.
I love to read books expressing ideas about living like Christ, about being a "Christian" today, and about saints of old and new in order to seek the Truth that God wants me to glean from those writings.

This will continue, I pray to be able to encourage others through my acquired knowledge and given faith, that I can be a role model for others seeking a human with some Christ-like tendencies, and that I will embrace my doubt with a fervent desire to grow.

till the sun turns black

Ray LaMontagne is the way to go on a crisp morning with friends in North Carolina.
The beauty of this day in the hills of Brasstown on Bidstrup Acres is unexplainable. The mountains in the distance, over the treetops, past the river down below makes for a peaceful sound of rushing water as the window is cranked open. Love it. Love these ladies I'm getting to spend this weekend with. And love the Lord for what this moment is. A time of rest, separation from what we know, and acceptance of each other like you wouldn't believe in a group of five very different people coming together for just a couple common denominators. Our job that collaborates our love for the outdoors in different ways and our love for God as we continually seek communion with God and each other.
Shanti - Peace in Sanskrit What we have been given the opportunity to embrace this weekend.

right this instant!

That's it - the old line I remember from childhood - "Kelli, (insert command here) right this instant!"

It incapsulates the importance of it all. Right this instant, is the instant we should be thinking about. It is this instant that matters most and is the only one that we are totally certain that we have been given.

I'm not sure how many times I think about this blog and decide I'll get to it later. That I will save my musings for another day. That I will skip updating the world wide web on the goings on in my head from day to day and let it rest for tomorrow.

I am excited right now for what is today, for what is tomorrow, and most uncertainly for what is the future. It's odd to me that at the same time that I get convicted and gung-ho about focusing on today and putting my energies into the here and how I also get so stoked about tomorrow and the future that is so incredibly unknown to me. (So that sentence wasn't diagram-able, but I'll keep it anyway) I look at my list of things to do for class and yes, I want to complete those assignments and learn as much as possible, but I can't help but think to myself how much more rewarding and worthwhile it would be to write a little ditty on this blog, or call a friend I haven't talked to in a while, or a number of things that don't involve getting a good grade. I want to graduate and finish strong this semester, but it's quite the oxymoron being a senior in my last semester at college... Think about it - you have a final semester to take the classes necessary for you to graduate and gain the degree you've poured yourself into for the past few years, but at the same time this is the last stent of time that you will live in a confined community with your closest friends just a stone's throw away and the ability and energy to conquer the world at a moment's notice. How do they really expect you to focus on schoolwork? Really?

So right this instant, make haste, rejoice for we have been given this moment! This moment that will be filled with whatever we open the lid and let it be filled with. How exciting!?

I praise the Lord for these realizations and these times of rejuvenation of heart. I'm not sure what it was I was looking for, but at that point was exactly the time that God swept a breath of "right this instant" over my face, demanding my full attention and life. If I only have this moment, and there is always the opportunity to be a more loving person - I hope that every day I can recognize those moments that make it so easy not to be that person and I can be reminded of the charge to make haste.

it's a family affair

Yowza. This word continues to enter my vocabulary lately, I like it!
My last fall semester came to a close in early December with the graduation of some really wonderful friends from Berry. Standing in my townhouse with my housemates Amanda and Emily, as I closed the door behind my roommate (of 4 years), Kimmy, emotions flooded unintentionally. I leaned against the door and felt my eyes fill and my mind wander into what would happen next. The three of us had an unforgetable moment of real life -- A handful of tears, a million laughs, and all in a split-second's time. I hadn't realized until that exact moment how much I was going to miss Kimmy, and what her leaving meant for my time remaining at Berry. In May I will be closing the door behind myself with no one left inside our empty townhouse - this book is closing and I want to remember every moment I've spent and every ounce of knowledge I have gained.

Over this Christmas/Winter break I have realized this grandeur dream is quite impossible. I took the charge (that I gave myself) to clean out my belongings and trim down what I have in my possession and for some reason among that stuff were my course materials from all of my Berry classes freshman year. I was glancing over things I had learned and the notes I had written and sadly recognized that the things I learned three years ago have not stuck entirely. A sigh was released, and then I accepted it. Eh - oh well, just gives me more room in that brain of mine to learn new things!

I've had the opportunity to spend this past semester and this holiday season with people that I consider my family and that I love dearly. They know who they are and it would take way more time than we have here to mention them all - I'm just thankful for it!

As of right now I'm spending my free time investigating where I'm going to be heading after graduation in the Spring. Life goals as we know it are: minister to youth inside and outside of the wilderness, teach them outdoor adventure skills that I love that they don't normally get the chance to experience, connect loving and encouraging adults with growing youth to form positive relationships based on honesty, overall growth, and spiritual exploration... Those are just some very important things that I want my "dream job" later on to include. As of right now, if I can fins something that relates to any of that it would be great, but really I'm looking to experience new places, learn new things, meet new people, and somehow get paid while doing all of the above here and there =)