greetings friends, family, strangers even
It's been a long while since I wrote anything, some influence of a friend compels me. A new leaf has been turned, I'll say, as of yesterday. Maybe it's too soon to say, but I think saying it makes it more real. Being humbled by a 14,000ft peak has a way of moving something within me to change. Negative thoughts of inadequacy push me to take the reins and go forward. Quickly.The city in which I sit will continue to be my physical home for at least the next 2 years. Consistency of the geographic location of my pillow is happening. Sort of. Tomorrow is the final push of moving out of my house for the past 9 months. I shared that 2 bedroom 1 1/2 bath with 2 people that I cherish deeply and know more fully because of our time there. Thankfulness seems like an understatement. The next 2 months will be spent sleeping outside at Base surrounded by anywhere from 1 to 13 people; depending on the night. After that - the unknown awaits. Looking for a place to rent for possibly 2 years. It's a wild reality, and a search that I haven't had the time to put much effort into, yet.
I've come to the realization that I am surrounded by astounding human beings. My friends are unique and amazing. Climbing 19,000ft peaks at 2am, toting toddlers every day with a smile, scaling the tallest granite monolith in the world (several times), serving selflessly in the community and their homes, cycling 100+ miles, running 20K+, and loving whole heartedly with gentle compassion. It took me struggling up a mountain and recognizing defeat to come to this realization. It's a no-brainer that feelings of inadequacy would creep up on me when I take a look around.
The learning comes in this: my worth is not found there. God has told me over and over that he doesn't calculate those accomplishments when computing my worth. The equation never changes, the numbers used were decided before my mother even knew my face. My worth is stagnant - never thought I'd use that word with a positive connotation. Sure, it's great and all to do what I do well and to be in the physical condition to excel at the above mentioned feats, but that's not where my worth comes from.
The change has been sparked in my mind, will occur more immediately physically, and my hope is that it will continue to be a shift in understanding and appreciation of myself.
