Hymns of Autumn part1

The remainder of the summer happened, as did the changing of seasons since my last update.
My current state is bundled up in my home, on a comfortable couch, biding time before I go visit with some good friends, and a bit contemplative.

Things I've found myself contemplating lately are: my geographic placement, per usual - thoughts about what 'home' means to me and all the different places I find it, the ideas of contentment and discontentedness (brought on by a conversation with a kind coffee roaster friend), working myself out of a job (purposefully), friends moving, and dogs.

A few tidbits about my life recently… nothing too profound, just a couple things that have changed or happened recently: I bought new pants (if you know me, you know this is oddly a big deal… I'm frugal and I wear the same pants forever because it works), during my recent recruiting trip I spent time with 8 dear friends in the southeast (this was life-giving), I finished two books (the curious incident of the dog in the night-time and love does), Kristen (who Ben & I used to live with) and I are renting a house (I bought furniture and was given appliances, and am sleeping on a bed on the floor with my grandmother's quilt), I can't stop looking at the sky because autumn is turning into winter.

-- I took a little break from writing this post and am starting back up again --

Thanksgiving found me in Washington with these two friends who just moved to Camp Indianola and Kerri Ann, who flew in from Georgia, creating a new tradition. The hope is that for the next few years we'll spend Thanksgiving together at one of our homes on the "Left Coast" as Curtiss calls it.

Blogging at a coffee shop the size of my bedroom in a small town, full of conversation... not so productive. More later.

where does that leave me?

greetings friends, family, strangers even

It's been a long while since I wrote anything, some influence of a friend compels me. A new leaf has been turned, I'll say, as of yesterday. Maybe it's too soon to say, but I think saying it makes it more real. Being humbled by a 14,000ft peak has a way of moving something within me to change. Negative thoughts of inadequacy push me to take the reins and go forward. Quickly.

The city in which I sit will continue to be my physical home for at least the next 2 years. Consistency of the geographic location of my pillow is happening. Sort of. Tomorrow is the final push of moving out of my house for the past 9 months. I shared that 2 bedroom 1 1/2 bath with 2 people that I cherish deeply and know more fully because of our time there. Thankfulness seems like an understatement. The next 2 months will be spent sleeping outside at Base surrounded by anywhere from 1 to 13 people; depending on the night. After that - the unknown awaits. Looking for a place to rent for possibly 2 years. It's a wild reality, and a search that I haven't had the time to put much effort into, yet.

I've come to the realization that I am surrounded by astounding human beings. My friends are unique and amazing. Climbing 19,000ft peaks at 2am, toting toddlers every day with a smile, scaling the tallest granite monolith in the world (several times), serving selflessly in the community and their homes, cycling 100+ miles, running 20K+, and loving whole heartedly with gentle compassion. It took me struggling up a mountain and recognizing defeat to come to this realization. It's a no-brainer that feelings of inadequacy would creep up on me when I take a look around.
The learning comes in this: my worth is not found there. God has told me over and over that he doesn't calculate those accomplishments when computing my worth. The equation never changes, the numbers used were decided before my mother even knew my face. My worth is stagnant - never thought I'd use that word with a positive connotation. Sure, it's great and all to do what I do well and to be in the physical condition to excel at the above mentioned feats, but that's not where my worth comes from.

The change has been sparked in my mind, will occur more immediately physically, and my hope is that it will continue to be a shift in understanding and appreciation of myself.

shedding light (part2)

Now for the past couple months of life with four college students, co-workers, housemates, friends (new and not-so-new), and many travels.

Some tidbits from life in California during January with four college students:
- the students arrived (David, Jamie, Katy and Derek) and adventures began
- night hike up to Mono Rock to spend time exploring the starry sky
- visits to the big town of Fresno for airport runs and REI trips, getting last minute gear
- silent retreat the coldest night of the year at Fresno Dome
- snow camping and cross country skiing for the students' first time in Yosemite's Badger Pass
- Sunday night dinners at Base either around the dinner table or huddled close to the wood burning stove
- movie night at my place in our warmest attire because my housemates and I choose frugality over abundance of propane-induced heat
- youth group happenings with the young folks at the Journey Vineyard
- APU student introductions and sharing chapel together on Fridays
- preparing for our time in Ecuador and 4 day a week classes with Tom

Aside from the new additions to my community, I was able to take time with friends either just chatting, hiking around the nearby hills, going for runs, sharing coffee or tea, exercising via Latin dancing or worshiping the Lord together at the Old Barn, and super good game nights or much needed community gatherings at my house throughout this month of January.

Time flew and before I knew it, all of my preparations were coming to fruition as the students and I took flight. Quite literally, we flew from Fresno to Quito and overnight were thrust into the big city awaiting our immersion into the Ecuadorian culture. Again, I found myself 'home.'
The past 5 weeks we've been in and around the city of Quito, Ecuador. Taking part in experiences that I can only pray are changing the lives of these students (and myself) for the better! Staying with Ecuadorian families, learning about and partnering with Christian ministries in place to serve Ecuadorian children (with and without families), figuring out how to safely and enjoyably explore the big city (of 3.2 million within a distance of 35 miles by 2-5 miles), climbing glaciated and rock-covered mountains (highest altitude: 17,500ft above sea level), and reflecting on the experiences by journaling and turning that into academic papers.

We're currently taking this week to relax a little bit from the jam-packed schedule and bustle of the city by visiting the town of Banos for 5 days. From coffee shops and hostel balconies papers are being written, conversations are being had, and the students have been a joy to watch as they interact with one another with love. I really enjoy watching people grow and change as they live in community. It's inevitable. God and people change us.

Speaking of changing... Don't get too excited, I'm not changing it up just yet. The ideas floating through my head about life ahead are exciting but definitely not concrete. Please pray about this if you want to talk to Lord about me. Ecuador - a 'home' of mine that I cannot ignore. The questions are: when, in what capacity, with who, for what purpose? If you're a reader of this interesting public journal we call a blog, then it's possible that earlier you've read me say that I don't think it's time for me to leave Summit, God's not done with me here yet. That's still true because I haven't been told something different. That's in part what I'm praying for. To be told something different when the time comes and to have no question when I hear it.
Ideas include: go big, purchase a building and start a bakery / guesthouse / and apartment to live in... partner with a ministry that I have already connected with (school, orphanage, church)... keep coming to Ecuador through Summit's ISAS program... I sit with my eyes open - ready to see the picture more fully, there is currently a shadow cast on most of the vision.

shedding light (part1)

Since my last post, three month's time has passed. I don't promise to cover the entirety of that time in this one post, but something will be put to paper (to screen, rather) that will suffice as an update on events that have occurred and the implications of those experiences on my life, or possibly the lives of others.

A timeline of November until now stretches not only a good chunk of calendar time, but also global space... I started the holiday season in California in my home with two housemates bundled in down jackets and reading books by lamplight. Thanksgiving and Christmas took me back to my biological family in Georgia. I spent this time in a variety of ways: sitting with my grandparents on rainy afternoons, snuggling with my mom on the couch at the house, lending a hand with my dad's latest project in the barn, spending my brother's birthday with him, driving in and out of Atlanta, Augusta, Rome, Athens, Asheville, and a few other towns reaching to spend time with dear friends before my time in the southeast was done. Life lists were found, needed conversations were had, coffee was shared, hugs happened, and adventures commenced!

Post Christmas meant a shift in reality. After being vehicle-less in California for a year and a half, I would be packing the remainder of 'my possessions' in my truck and venturing (with Danae) across the country to put it in park in a different place. Before leaving a California I renewed my driver's license. This was the beginning. Ok, maybe signing the rental agreement was the true beginning... So the next step was while at my parent's house in Winder - going through all of the things I was so sure that I would 'need later' or come back to at some point and really looking it in the face. There were three options: give it to someone else, box it up for my children to come, or take it with me across the country. There was no middle ground. I was tired of having half of my junk in one place and the other half with my life in another as well as having so much junk. So away it went. And so did I.

No better way to spend the first days of 2012, but in the woods, backpacking with my dear friend Danae, chatting about life and where this journey is taking us. Attempting to shed light on the seats in which we sit. Once I dropped Danae at the airport I embarked on the last hour of my journey 'home', alone. Another season awaiting my return. Busyness and business to enter into. A week later the four semester students walked into my life and are still with me today.

That brings us to mid-January. To be continued... sorry to be so curt ;)

the avenger

I was propelled safely by the avenger, Dodge that is, throughout my southeastern travels for the past 2 weeks.
My journey started by taking a long, beautiful train ride to San Diego where I was welcomed in by a dear friend, Leigh and her family. Can you get much better than wonderful company and veggie lasagna?
From there I flew eastward. The Farish-Willifords anxiously awaited my arrival to stay the weekend and catch up on life that has moved so quickly in the passing months since my last visit. They make up one of my many 'homes.'
The next week I stayed within North Carolina until the next weekend spent with Kerri Ann - who I've realized in a real way, is a kindred spirit. It might have been her mother that declared it so, and I whole-heartedly agree. It was a long overdue visit. The following week I continued southward, far enough to meet my 3year-old third cousin, McGinnis - ok, let's talk about overdue...
If you've read some previous blog posts of mine, I believe this idea has been a topic before so bear with me... Experiencing someone's home changes your relationship greatly. I will take that back and speak for myself, changes our relationship greatly.
Leigh in San Diego, F-dubs in Danville, Rachel in Asheville, Dee in Banner Elk, KA (and company) in Greenville, Cousin Marsha in Spartanburg, Aunt Gail in Aiken, and new friends Kaitlyn & Erica in Boiling Springs :)
When I get to see where someone lives, chat with them about real life, face to face, and rest in a place they've made home for me, if only for a night, I gain perspective. Their lives seem so much closer, more real in a way, and have an added specialness that we can share. With that said - I know I live transiently, but that's not to say that I (and my housemates) wouldn't love to have you over. Join us.
Speaking of joining folks - one of the many new relationships God put into my path is with a sweet professor at NGU, Bob. Bob has a dream, a vision if you will, for a future community-made family sharing life together and this caught me. Things like - bringing in foster children, growing necessary food, loving one another, and creating a place for growth and compassion let me know that we'll be in touch again in the future. Maybe he and his wife, along with myself and others will create this beautiful community in the mountains of North Carolina. I've had a few tastes of living in community, and am continuing that currently in a wonderful way, and I have to say that I believe in what I've found. The body of the Lord looks like this.

Enough for now... maybe more highlights from the road later in the week followed by a near future outlook :)

breathing

The past few weeks I've been given many chances to breathe. A few in particular...

Rejoicing with each rider in the Whitney Classic as they crossed the finish line with huge grins and an air of exhaustion mixed with great accomplishment.
My parents came to visit for a few days and finally laid eyes on my life here, as well as, a few of my favorite places in the Sierra. (photos to come)
A lunch date with a dear friend, sister if you will, and her husband - finally had the chance to meet him and hear of their journeys together. A well-timed blessing of listening ears and compassionate hearts.
Catching up on life with my dearest Katie Sue - always necessary and always refreshing.
Enjoying and basking in the shared silence of our own home with my housemate and great friend, Ben.
Evenings with the Agee women, finally sharing life together and cuddling with a beautiful little one.
Our first family night as a staff at our new house. Community-building and just a nice change from the office gatherings we have.
The alcove swing on El Cap - to be a little more accurate, I lost my breath. It was phenomenal. Swinging out at least 100ft over the Valley floor looking back at the largest granite monolith in the world and swimming through the crisp 65 degree air. I couldn't help but laugh.

I'm sure there were more, but those stuck out in my memory. Yes, times of being able to take a deep breath have happened. No, the world hasn't stopped moving ever so quickly. Work is just a going and the next few months will involve work and personal travel, visiting with strangers, friends and family, planning the next semester of work, fostering relationships, and keeping myself in good physical shape in the midst of it all. Oh, did I mention keeping nursery at least one Sunday? :) And driving across the country with Danae - the usual.

Today my eyes walked over two sections of the Bible. James 3 and Psalm 73 (thanks Laura). I seek wisdom and all of the characteristics that go with it. I was chatting with a friend this morning and it's so true that if we ever reach a time where we think we're not being taught something, it's simply because we're not realizing it. The learning never ends if you're seeking anything besides complacency. Learning is good and learning is hard. The end result (once you get there) is worth the mess that you feel in the midst. I'm sure of it. I can read my own accounts, in past journals, of benefits that came out of seasons of being taught really big things. I'm thankful for that. I'll let you know when I reach the conclusion and I'm changed for the better.

It'll be one of those good, deep breaths.

oh the knots

It's been a year and 3 months now since I moved. Not to discredit all of the traveling in between, but technically this has been my home for a bit. The end date of that reality is fuzzy and I'm ok with that. It's not time to leave.

The summer came and went in between now and my last post. Having more that just an instructor position this summer has proven to be a little consuming. When I'm not in the field, I'm in the office. I am thankful for my jobs (all at the same organization) and at the same time wondering when I'll slow down... does that happen again?

Last week Danae visited - a lot of firsts were had; as was a lot of great conversation, laughter, adventuring, and sitting. Even now it's hard to believe that such a great and dear friend who knows me from my life in Georgia was here, in California, getting a glimpse into my life here and the beauty that surrounds me. I couldn't be more thankful for that sweet time. It's interesting... I slept a ton, was with someone I can truly relax around, was loved on, and was given a chance to love - yet I still found myself pooped out. I guess living out of a car for a week and traveling all around trying to hit some really good spots will do it with the planner in me. It was nice though, not having to get every step planned beforehand and knowing that we would rather have it that way. Now when I tell stories of the people I share life with here, she'll know who I'm talking about. I like that.

I found myself just yesterday, saying that "if I can just get through this month, I'll be able to breathe." I don't really like the sound of that. I would rather not dread a single moment in life. My grandmother, such a sweet woman, said to never dread a year of your life; there might be some significant birthdays that people give special credit to like 16, 18, 21, 30, etc. but never dread a birthday. That exemplifies her spirit. No day is worthy of dread or of worry. I want to live in that Truth.

I have quite the month of September ahead, and yes plenty of details to forget and things to leave untended accidentally, but I'd like to hand that over tonight and be rid of the knots in my stomach. If you know me... you know I get joy out of doing things well - that usually includes organization, attention to detail, and a little something I am able to add to hopefully make it better than before. All of this takes effort that I want to exert and that wares me down after a while. I need more than myself here and I forget that.

Two things I'm looking forward to continuing:

1. I finally sat down with a needle and thread (for the second time this summer) a couple weeks ago and mended a couple purses, sewed on a few buttons, and got excited for sewing again. Yep - I want to continue the mending and move into creating as well.

2. Last night I had a breakthrough in the kitchen. Kelli meets the food processor. This relationship is just beginning and took way too long to happen. I made original/chickpea hummus followed by black bean hummus (thank you Libby) and finished the night with almond butter (a hint of salt and cinnamon). Wow. This year will be good for creating my own foods instead of buying pre-processed and tonight I've embarked on learning more about foods that help you cleanse. My body needs a little bit of that here lately.

I'll just say one more time how thankful I am for the friends I have the chance to share life with here. Recently found out that Ben will be sticking around longer than expected - he'll be a good addition to the off-season (not summer) community I've been provided here.

Here's me, trying to untie the knots - needing another hand.