grace returned

So I never got around to why grace was on my mind during that last post...
Lately I've been trying to hear what the Lord has to say to me about showing and receiving grace. Most specifically, for myself. I have a much easier time showing grace to others than I do allowing myself to receive it, whether that be from myself or others. The past 2-3 years God's been continually showing me the importance of showing myself grace and I think that I'm closer to having that ability than I once was, but am still working on it. Being at high altitude climbing a galciated volcano is a physical place where I seek this personal grace. I know it's going to be a struggle and I expect it, and along the way I continually remind myself that I have a body to be thankful for and abilities to praise God's name for as well. It's a humbling experience watching yourself struggle - whether or not others are struggling along side.
I am continually thankful for the grace that my students have for me as I sometimes feel like I'm stumbling through all the details of the semester.

This (and some reading I'm doing in a book called Radical by David Platt) has moved me into trying to picture the Spirit abiding in me and others. The past month I've been reading and re-reading John 17 and Jesus' prayers for his disciples and the believers he is about to leave. Jesus asks God to leave with us the Spirit, our guide, and along with that comes the possibility that we can all abide in the fruits of the Spirit. In prayer I want to ask for the Spirit in whatever capacity I might need, rather than just asking God to do something for me. For instance: the other day we were climbing a just shy of 19,000ft peak and I wanted to continue to have strength and the physical ability to go on - I kept thinking about how I need God to provide strength in me because I have none of my own and I realized that I needed the power of the Spirit, therefore I would have strength.
I'm not sure if that makes a whole lot of sense, but it's something that I'm seeking out right now.

Today we're in a town south of Quito, called Banos. My day has consisted of walking around the whole town, reading a couple chapters in a book, eating some tasty lunch, working on some logistical stuff, and responding to friends emails and such. I'm kind of bummed that I could go hike, run, or swim today because my stomach is feeling kind of lousy - but I'm sure a day of rest is what I needed for some reason. That's hard to accept sometimes.
3 weeks have past and 3 weeks left to go for the students here in Ecuador. Praying for continued development of relationships - with themselves, with eachother, and with God.

grace

I've sat quietly for the past hour after dinner listening to the mummurings of students' voices in the distant kitchen. I can't understand the words and that's ok.

My 3rd week in Ecuador has begun. Week 1 was reuniting with the city, with friends Ben & Bryce, and with the loving home we have at the OMS guesthouse here in Quito. Week 2 makes me smile - the students embarked on their first homestays with Ecuadorian families and spent the days at la fundacion Davis where Ben & I lived. Everyday I struggled to pull myself out of bed and eat breakfast in one of the homes at the orphanage at 6am. In this same home at 1pm I joined them for lunch followed by chores, homework, games, and usually a pretty peaceful afternoon before 6pm rolled around and I was beckoned for dinner at my new home. One afternoon Ben & I decided to join the group of kids outside playing. At one point in time I was running my heart out listening to the laughter of Maria trying to catch me and trying to hold in my laughter in order to keep breathing! As I ran past Ben and Cesar, Ben asked me what the word for enjoy is - disfrutar, the verb to enjoy. Quite correctly, Ben was telling Cesar how he and I both enjoy life at la fundacion Davis. For me - it is a place that I find joy, I am challenged, I struggle to understand the lives of orphaned children, and where I am able to love and be loved.

It's currently pouring buckets of rain in Quito and I'm loving it... the smell, the sound, the calmness of it all. I'm going to end this post now because I want to go sit on the porch for a bit. More later :)

ecuador

Nope, we're not there yet...
The 2 ISAS students (B&B) and I were supposed to be on our way to Ecuador this morning, but I received a call last night telling me that because of dense fog - we couldn't get to LA, our first stop. We're all rescheduled (and seated together this time) for tomorrow at oooh, dark thirty. At first panic struck when I heard the recording on the other end of the receiver, but then I started processing what this meant: another day to talk to family, another morning to spend at the coffee shop in town (thankfully running into many friends that I really wanted to see and will miss), time to pray and prepare a little bit more for the days that lie ahead, the opportunity to run the errands I was going to be reluctantly leaving for someone else, and some pretty joyous laughter and ease of mind last night as the students and I put off packing a little longer.
The more days go by, the longer I ponder and reflect on the happenings of this world, I am awestruck and confused and enamored by God. So un-knowable. I'm thankful and scared all at once. Bekah and I came to this: I can only pray that God will share His vision with me, that I may be privy to the will of God for this world and that eternity will be my focus, rather than this temporary place in which we dwell that feels so real.
I do not doubt I (or we) needed this day. I didn't know it and really didn't expect it, but am so glad our plans were shook and today was a breath of fresh (Oakhurst) air.
So tomorrow we will begin our journey in Ecuador. Something about that makes my heart skip a beat - there's part of me there that I look forward to discovering more about. I'm excited to share another place that I care for with B&B, for them to experience whatever it is God has in store for them there, and to be open to the work that is going to occur in myself, in B&B, and in those we encounter.

A little update on the past few weeks:
-the students, as I mentioned before, have arrived and we've jumped right into classes and figuring out life together. Brendon and Bekah.
-no time was a-wasted! we've already been winter camping and cross country skiing for 4 days - we visited Ostrander Lake, about 10 miles out of Badger Pass inside Yosemite. It was my first experience skiing on top of a snow-covered frozen lake and I have to say I was speechless! By far the best skiing.
-we've had a few 'family nights' of dinner and good conversation with the Summit staff and the students. Usually one of the highlights of the week.
-I say one of the highlights, because for me - a major highlight is my Katie Sue time each week, my dear friend who I absolutely cherish my time with. We went on a hike up to Chilnualna Falls last week on our day off.

A common theme in my prayers right now is preparedness. Asking to be and then trusting in the Lord that I am prepared in proportion to my students' needs, the needs of my job, and my own needs. Prayers for continued growth, safety, health, and love within my students and I, as well as the Summit instructors currently in Ecuador (Ben & Bryce) are always warranted.

I'll toss some photos up next time. Until then, cuidate mis amigos.

settling?

I've made it back. I left the southeast full of family, good'ole friends, and laziness and landed out west only to find another family of mine, work to be done, and coziness to be created. Not to mention, the motivation to do all of the above.

There's something about the place from whence I've come... it brings me to a state of laziness and subtracts all of the motivation I know I have - I don't enjoy that. It was fine and dandy to return to my parents house during a break in college and bum around playing donkey kong until 2am with my dad... (ok so that's never a problem) but when I find myself crawling out of bed to make lunch I see a change needs to happen. Here's the change - fly away.

the warmth is indescribable - I love it (most days). the heat source for my home in bass lake, california - by most people, it's known as base. hmm... graham is driving me back from the airport, or is it murphy? this can't be safe, much less legal. but one thing is true- I brought sunshine to california, look at that sky!

my companions. new years fling up to asheville, nc? yes please. I love them.

the house my mom first lived in - asheville, nc - the continuation of following my ancestry kyler, graduating from my alma mater - berry college - such a joyous friend!

same day, same place, steph graduated too - you'll never know what you'll get with this spontaneous and spunky lady

I love cooking, especially when it's with people I love this much...

I sat down one day and completed an idea that katie & I had a few months ago... who knows if my students will like them - but it's just big enough to hold air-travel essentials and not be a wallet. It was fun and it fueled my crafti-ness.

As I look out into my near future the feelings come flooding in. thankful. joyous. excited. scared. anticipatory. inadequate. hopeful... It doesn't seem possible for all of these to be milling around the same person in the same day, but it surely is. I'm so doggone pumped about this semester to come and can only pray that God has prepared me for all I am about to embark on and prepared the hearts of my students to be open to what God wants to do in their lives through the next 5 months. Feel free to pray that as well.

There's this thing I struggle with, grace. I am much more likely to have grace for others rather than myself. I want to grow. I want to change. I want to become more a Christ-like person. I want to find out more about who I am made to be. - just thinking about that gets me all excited.

There are some things that make my heart leap. You know the feeling, right? Makes you want to go run, or laugh out loud, or hug an old friend, or dance. Well, here are some of those things, the things that make my heart leap:

-reunions with friends and/or family.

-beauty that is incomprehensible, usually in the sky, or in someone else's joy.

-ecuador. being there. praying for there. thinking of all that is happening there. introducing others to it and sharing my love for it.

-realising that I am loved. by my maker and by those who share in that love.

-special ties with special people. like a handmade scarf or a letter written.

I think I'll be here for a little while. It's an interesting thought; scary in it's own right, but I'm trusting. Pray for how things change, the things we cannot see until they are sitting at our doorstep - even if it's our doorstep that's changing. This makes my heart leap, for I know that good is going to come of it, as will challenge and struggle, therefore so will strength.

Hmm, settling in.

never quite what you expect

Those words ring incredibly true, right? Things just never seem to be exactly what I expect them to be. Not necessarily in a negative way... I kind of enjoy the surprise of knowing that if I come up with expectations (well, if I allow myself to realize my expectations) a little something different will happen that mixes it all up.

All of a suddent it's almost the day that we celebrate Christmas, that means the new year is right around the corner, and just as close is my flight back to the other side of the continent. =) I'm excited. I've needed this time, this change of pace, this abundance of familial love, and preparation. I'm thankful and striving to trust as this walk continues...

I'll have to write more later - I need to get ingredients for Christmas eve breakfast for dinner, I decided we would start a new tradition this year.

a return

About a week ago I got a lot of flack for not posting yet this month. A friend had noticed that I'd been posting about once a month and November was significantly lacking... but that has certainly not been the case.

--the fall colors of North GA--

Ever since my return to the eastern US I have been on the move. I've lost count of how many nights I spent this past month in unfamiliar beds, futons, and pods (explanation will come later) in the homes of friends, family members, and strangers. If you know me at all - you know I absolutely loved it! ... being at home in someone else's home and spending sweet time with all of those whom shared their lives with me. As hard as it is for me to sit back and allow someone to cook me dinner, buy my coffee, provide a clean towel, or even lend me warmer clothing I have realized that's exactly what those friends needed - the opportunity to serve, to express hospitality, to show love through providing for my basic needs. I know how much I appreciate serving others and creating a home for them in a place that before- was simply a house. so good to allow others to show me some love =)


--my sweet cousin Levi in Knoxville, TN--

The reason I've been able to travel around Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, Kentucky, and North Carolina is because my job description has been tweaked. Not only am I a wilderness instructor for Summit, but I can now say that I am a recruiter and an ISAS program coordinator. It has been my pleasure to travel to college campuses and introduce people to the opportunities that Summit has to offer. I then move into coffee shop/computer mode while I coordinate plans for the spring ISAS semester program and keep communications going with contacts I've made at those beautiful colleges.





--my first hockey game, Atlanta Thrashers--

Before returning here, I didn't realize how much I needed to be consistently surrounded by people who really know me. It's amazing how comforting a conversation can be with an old friend who remembers a story about you two from middle school, or a cousin who can reminiss about our sweet grandmother with you, or a brother who confides in you because you just get where he's coming from... So fulfilling - updating without including any backstory, having to answer deep questions about personal growth and spiritual learnings because a dear friend wants to know, and sharing life together.


hiking with dad - my favorite part about Wednesdays (his days off) these are a couple of our interesting finds... huge cairns and a hole in the shape of a heart not carved into the tree, but naturally there (we think)

I'm thankful for this beautiful and unique time in my life.

baking

I found myself in front of a pre-heating oven in a cold cabin listening to the rain and thunder welcoming in the beautiful season of autumn in California.

At first, the oven was my heat source, I was freezing! After drinking a little hot tea and eating some soup I was inspired. I needed to bake. At this point, I scrounge in the cupboards, look in the fridge, and rattle my brain for recipes with what I've got:

eggs - check; unsweetened baking chocolate - tons!; flour - both white and wheat, use sparingly; oats - yep; sugar - brown and white; hmmmmm.... sounds good.

1-bowl brownies stole my heart right from the inside of the baker's chocolate box. so I made it happen, but not alone.

I tuned into Pandora and shuffled around on a station based on Rosie Thomas and Ray LaMontagne (of course) and settled in at home in the kitchen wrapped in the creation of something tasty and warm. There's something about baking that warms not only the house, but my soul. There's an adventure in the measuring, or not measuring, and the taste-testing that I hold so dear. I love it, absolutely love it.

This cold and wet autumn night is a quiet one. It's been raining for about 5 hours now and it all started with phenomenal thunder and abrupt showers around 4 this afternoon - very unlike this area but definitely a sign that cold weather systems are trying to push their way in.

I just got back in town after a beautiful journey to see a dear dear friend in Washington. She had no clue - another friend visiting her helped me plan the surprise and it was exactly that, a complete and utter surprise! Another thing I love - surprises. Just getting to spend a little time and some good conversations made it worth the 23 hour train ride there and 2 hour flight back.

This is a picture I took while on a walk with a couple new friends in down town Tacoma, strolling next to the water, drooling. Not just over Mount Rainier that I will one day climb, but also the inspiring sail boats that bring back my love (again) of boats and desire to learn how to sail. One day.

Then of course on the flight back today I sat next to a guy who was telling me that he takes his son and daughter on a catamaran that he and his brothers own.

Sometimes I find it hard to be thankful and joyful for the things I've been given, or blessed with - knowing that others are worthy of the things I have, yet they don't have them. I end up feeling guilty for being it a positive place in life and striving to break out of that and finding how I can be compassionate for that person who I can truly empathize with. I'm seeking to understand the ways that I can be compassionate and loving towards others who are in need of something intangible that I have, such as rest. I got sick last week and had no other option other than sleeping, sitting, and finally resting in the breath of God for a bit while others took care of me. So I currently feel rested, but I struggle to be ok with that when I talk to others who aren't rested or can't find the time to rest - where I was about a week and a half ago. I can only hope that I can allow God to pour through me in whatever way others need.