shedding light (part1)

Since my last post, three month's time has passed. I don't promise to cover the entirety of that time in this one post, but something will be put to paper (to screen, rather) that will suffice as an update on events that have occurred and the implications of those experiences on my life, or possibly the lives of others.

A timeline of November until now stretches not only a good chunk of calendar time, but also global space... I started the holiday season in California in my home with two housemates bundled in down jackets and reading books by lamplight. Thanksgiving and Christmas took me back to my biological family in Georgia. I spent this time in a variety of ways: sitting with my grandparents on rainy afternoons, snuggling with my mom on the couch at the house, lending a hand with my dad's latest project in the barn, spending my brother's birthday with him, driving in and out of Atlanta, Augusta, Rome, Athens, Asheville, and a few other towns reaching to spend time with dear friends before my time in the southeast was done. Life lists were found, needed conversations were had, coffee was shared, hugs happened, and adventures commenced!

Post Christmas meant a shift in reality. After being vehicle-less in California for a year and a half, I would be packing the remainder of 'my possessions' in my truck and venturing (with Danae) across the country to put it in park in a different place. Before leaving a California I renewed my driver's license. This was the beginning. Ok, maybe signing the rental agreement was the true beginning... So the next step was while at my parent's house in Winder - going through all of the things I was so sure that I would 'need later' or come back to at some point and really looking it in the face. There were three options: give it to someone else, box it up for my children to come, or take it with me across the country. There was no middle ground. I was tired of having half of my junk in one place and the other half with my life in another as well as having so much junk. So away it went. And so did I.

No better way to spend the first days of 2012, but in the woods, backpacking with my dear friend Danae, chatting about life and where this journey is taking us. Attempting to shed light on the seats in which we sit. Once I dropped Danae at the airport I embarked on the last hour of my journey 'home', alone. Another season awaiting my return. Busyness and business to enter into. A week later the four semester students walked into my life and are still with me today.

That brings us to mid-January. To be continued... sorry to be so curt ;)

the avenger

I was propelled safely by the avenger, Dodge that is, throughout my southeastern travels for the past 2 weeks.
My journey started by taking a long, beautiful train ride to San Diego where I was welcomed in by a dear friend, Leigh and her family. Can you get much better than wonderful company and veggie lasagna?
From there I flew eastward. The Farish-Willifords anxiously awaited my arrival to stay the weekend and catch up on life that has moved so quickly in the passing months since my last visit. They make up one of my many 'homes.'
The next week I stayed within North Carolina until the next weekend spent with Kerri Ann - who I've realized in a real way, is a kindred spirit. It might have been her mother that declared it so, and I whole-heartedly agree. It was a long overdue visit. The following week I continued southward, far enough to meet my 3year-old third cousin, McGinnis - ok, let's talk about overdue...
If you've read some previous blog posts of mine, I believe this idea has been a topic before so bear with me... Experiencing someone's home changes your relationship greatly. I will take that back and speak for myself, changes our relationship greatly.
Leigh in San Diego, F-dubs in Danville, Rachel in Asheville, Dee in Banner Elk, KA (and company) in Greenville, Cousin Marsha in Spartanburg, Aunt Gail in Aiken, and new friends Kaitlyn & Erica in Boiling Springs :)
When I get to see where someone lives, chat with them about real life, face to face, and rest in a place they've made home for me, if only for a night, I gain perspective. Their lives seem so much closer, more real in a way, and have an added specialness that we can share. With that said - I know I live transiently, but that's not to say that I (and my housemates) wouldn't love to have you over. Join us.
Speaking of joining folks - one of the many new relationships God put into my path is with a sweet professor at NGU, Bob. Bob has a dream, a vision if you will, for a future community-made family sharing life together and this caught me. Things like - bringing in foster children, growing necessary food, loving one another, and creating a place for growth and compassion let me know that we'll be in touch again in the future. Maybe he and his wife, along with myself and others will create this beautiful community in the mountains of North Carolina. I've had a few tastes of living in community, and am continuing that currently in a wonderful way, and I have to say that I believe in what I've found. The body of the Lord looks like this.

Enough for now... maybe more highlights from the road later in the week followed by a near future outlook :)

breathing

The past few weeks I've been given many chances to breathe. A few in particular...

Rejoicing with each rider in the Whitney Classic as they crossed the finish line with huge grins and an air of exhaustion mixed with great accomplishment.
My parents came to visit for a few days and finally laid eyes on my life here, as well as, a few of my favorite places in the Sierra. (photos to come)
A lunch date with a dear friend, sister if you will, and her husband - finally had the chance to meet him and hear of their journeys together. A well-timed blessing of listening ears and compassionate hearts.
Catching up on life with my dearest Katie Sue - always necessary and always refreshing.
Enjoying and basking in the shared silence of our own home with my housemate and great friend, Ben.
Evenings with the Agee women, finally sharing life together and cuddling with a beautiful little one.
Our first family night as a staff at our new house. Community-building and just a nice change from the office gatherings we have.
The alcove swing on El Cap - to be a little more accurate, I lost my breath. It was phenomenal. Swinging out at least 100ft over the Valley floor looking back at the largest granite monolith in the world and swimming through the crisp 65 degree air. I couldn't help but laugh.

I'm sure there were more, but those stuck out in my memory. Yes, times of being able to take a deep breath have happened. No, the world hasn't stopped moving ever so quickly. Work is just a going and the next few months will involve work and personal travel, visiting with strangers, friends and family, planning the next semester of work, fostering relationships, and keeping myself in good physical shape in the midst of it all. Oh, did I mention keeping nursery at least one Sunday? :) And driving across the country with Danae - the usual.

Today my eyes walked over two sections of the Bible. James 3 and Psalm 73 (thanks Laura). I seek wisdom and all of the characteristics that go with it. I was chatting with a friend this morning and it's so true that if we ever reach a time where we think we're not being taught something, it's simply because we're not realizing it. The learning never ends if you're seeking anything besides complacency. Learning is good and learning is hard. The end result (once you get there) is worth the mess that you feel in the midst. I'm sure of it. I can read my own accounts, in past journals, of benefits that came out of seasons of being taught really big things. I'm thankful for that. I'll let you know when I reach the conclusion and I'm changed for the better.

It'll be one of those good, deep breaths.

oh the knots

It's been a year and 3 months now since I moved. Not to discredit all of the traveling in between, but technically this has been my home for a bit. The end date of that reality is fuzzy and I'm ok with that. It's not time to leave.

The summer came and went in between now and my last post. Having more that just an instructor position this summer has proven to be a little consuming. When I'm not in the field, I'm in the office. I am thankful for my jobs (all at the same organization) and at the same time wondering when I'll slow down... does that happen again?

Last week Danae visited - a lot of firsts were had; as was a lot of great conversation, laughter, adventuring, and sitting. Even now it's hard to believe that such a great and dear friend who knows me from my life in Georgia was here, in California, getting a glimpse into my life here and the beauty that surrounds me. I couldn't be more thankful for that sweet time. It's interesting... I slept a ton, was with someone I can truly relax around, was loved on, and was given a chance to love - yet I still found myself pooped out. I guess living out of a car for a week and traveling all around trying to hit some really good spots will do it with the planner in me. It was nice though, not having to get every step planned beforehand and knowing that we would rather have it that way. Now when I tell stories of the people I share life with here, she'll know who I'm talking about. I like that.

I found myself just yesterday, saying that "if I can just get through this month, I'll be able to breathe." I don't really like the sound of that. I would rather not dread a single moment in life. My grandmother, such a sweet woman, said to never dread a year of your life; there might be some significant birthdays that people give special credit to like 16, 18, 21, 30, etc. but never dread a birthday. That exemplifies her spirit. No day is worthy of dread or of worry. I want to live in that Truth.

I have quite the month of September ahead, and yes plenty of details to forget and things to leave untended accidentally, but I'd like to hand that over tonight and be rid of the knots in my stomach. If you know me... you know I get joy out of doing things well - that usually includes organization, attention to detail, and a little something I am able to add to hopefully make it better than before. All of this takes effort that I want to exert and that wares me down after a while. I need more than myself here and I forget that.

Two things I'm looking forward to continuing:

1. I finally sat down with a needle and thread (for the second time this summer) a couple weeks ago and mended a couple purses, sewed on a few buttons, and got excited for sewing again. Yep - I want to continue the mending and move into creating as well.

2. Last night I had a breakthrough in the kitchen. Kelli meets the food processor. This relationship is just beginning and took way too long to happen. I made original/chickpea hummus followed by black bean hummus (thank you Libby) and finished the night with almond butter (a hint of salt and cinnamon). Wow. This year will be good for creating my own foods instead of buying pre-processed and tonight I've embarked on learning more about foods that help you cleanse. My body needs a little bit of that here lately.

I'll just say one more time how thankful I am for the friends I have the chance to share life with here. Recently found out that Ben will be sticking around longer than expected - he'll be a good addition to the off-season (not summer) community I've been provided here.

Here's me, trying to untie the knots - needing another hand.

deeply rooted

This post is one I never posted - from the very beginning of the summer...

"Come, let us return to the LORD"

It's quite incredible to realize that a year ago I was sitting in this very place probably scared out of my wits. It was a new home, 3000 miles from home, with people I had never met, in a place I wanted to know so badly. Now I'm here to welcome in the new members of our community and excitedly reunite with returning friends from all over the United States. We converge here, at Summit, in this small town right on the verge of wilderness. We've been brought here so specifically.

Excitement. Joy. Anxiousness. Butterflies. Peace. Awe.

All of those feelings come to the surface as late spring thunderstorms turn into broken clouds where blue shines through ready to bring in the summer. Once that change occurs - you'll find me dancing. I'm ready to sit out in the hammock without a down jacket and noticably see the rise of the lake as the snow in the high country melts.

After spending 3 weeks back in the eastern US I've returned to California and God has prepared me for this new season - and will continue preparing me I'm sure. Those 3 weeks were a treasure. I had time to sit on the couch with my parents, have lunch dates all over Georgia with many friends, go on bike rides & swims, and spend a weekend with family in sunny Florida. It was needed and refreshing. It was difficult to leave - bittersweet like usual. Especially when my mom decides to tell me that she's not ready for me to leave and almost cries at the airport as she hugs me goodbye. Good hugs - it felt good to be loved by people who know me.

Looking forward to this. Thankful. Breathing deeply.

the mosquitos are in

brendon - first time pulling over at tunnel view

dubie getting some height - oh jumping pictures

today started early... well, kind of. Quarter to 6 rolled around as we woke to see of Bekah. Her car was loaded, room cleaned out, and journey completely calculated - down to the campsite reservations. After waving goodbye on the steps of base beside April and Brendon, we crept our way back to bed. I lay there letting the reality of the morning sink in. ISAS spring 2011, closing; my first semester as the program coordinator and RD, completed; one more day and a half of responsibility and then time to reflect and relax. The reflection has begun.

springtime has arrived... the mosquitos are biting and folks are sneezing - thank you Oak trees. I look contentedly to the next season as I mourn the leaving of my two students and dear friends. A conversation with my boss today and the productivity of this past week has proved to be most encouraging.

The Lord gives us opportunities to trust, or grasp tightly to our own plans, to praise, or call it coincidence, to thank, or ignore his provisions, to cry out, or push away our need for him, to grow, or sit stagnantly in an easy place, to love, or contain the gift he's given us.

I choose to be in this hard place where the money's tight, the work is by the month, the numbers are low, the odds are against us, the office is quiet, and God is at work.

I ask to be put in situations that are cold, wet, painful, arduous, unknown, relentless, adventurous, scary, magnificent, awe-inspiring, and/or just plain stinky.

There are a few things my students learned this semester... if you don't get uncomfortable - you miss out on a lot of learning and growing; sure - in the midst of your adventurings, there will be times when you're wishing you were at home snuggled up by the electric heater - but really if you were at home instead you'd be wishing you were out adventuring; life goes fast - say it like you mean it and it's not worth it to pass up opportunities even if they make you stretch.

3 much needed weeks of vacation back east to come. It's been a while since I've hugged my family - I'm ready for that.

I'm also ready for a few days devoted to going off to a quiet place - I have no doubt that some alone-time is in my plans. That became clear the other day and I don't know where or when but I'm excited about it.

oh the sweet unexpected

Ever since returning from Ecuador the sweet unexpected has been abundant. After settling back into my home in Bass Lake, the snow moved in and the power went out. This meant another move - my boss and his family regained power more quickly than I, so my students and I moved in. I was there for about a week. The beautiful times spent cooking as a family, chatting with Carey in the evenings, and quiet mornings with coffee, my friendly journal, and the Word are irreplaceable. What I didn't realize during this fun-filled visit was the toll it was having on my weariness. I was ready to get to my own bed and into a schedule again. The following week norm creept back in as we had class times and work days followed by ski adventures and good friend-time. Well... normal is an interesting term around here. This past week was more on the normal side and filled with cooky weather, home projects and community time with Nols & Colleen, family and friends at Graham & Sarah's, and some much needed conversations with best friends! :) As I get more and more adjusted to life here, I'm planning for 16 days in the best (and pretty dang cold) home a girl could ask for... the wilderness. The students, Ben and I will be embarking on quite the snow-filled adventure April 15-30. Pray for safety, discernment, and learning if you think about us. What I mean by adjusting to life here, is that I'm finding relationships with people in this community that I want to continue to pursue... I play ultimate or whatever else comes up in the park in town on beautiful afternoons... I catch up with friends at the local coffee shop regularly, unscheduled... and I find myself torn when it comes to missing church on Sundays. The last thing, about church on Sundays, was part of the sweet unexpectedness of this season. Looking forward... immediately there are inevitably things we cannot expect to find on our expedition until we get there... in the near future there are aspects about this summer at Summit that I'm not sure what to envision... in the near distant future I'm continually unsure of the sweet unexpected changes of the roof over my head and company on my paycheck. God I will wait for you. and it is important for all of my readers to know that I am loved by Katie Sue!!!! -thanks to my underwrite, Katie Sue Burns