la casa de huespedes

I sat on this bed for the first time in March of 2009. I was 20 years old, excited and terrified. This bed is in Quito, Ecuador, a place that I've come to consider home, but at the time, I had no idea what would come of my connection to this place. The people I've met here, the conversations in Spanish and English that have peppered my memory, the mountains we've climbed, the tears I've cried and the awe I've experienced. This is a magical place that caught me by surprise my junior year of college as I was seeking to know myself, my God and his people more fully (aren't I still?).
Now, six and a half years later, I find myself back in the same bed, mulling over new thoughts and understandings, supporting those students, who like me, are seeking something more than what they know. I'm overwhelmed differently now. 20-year-old Kelli was overwhelmed by the language, the busy-ness of the city, the one other student I shared this experience with and the lack of familial connection. 27-year-old Kelli is overwhelmed by how much this place has changed me, the opportunities and friendships I've been given through my time here and how natural it is to live here for a month and a half at a time.
I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the difficulty of being here for this amount of time, separated from my "real life" in California, missing precious weeks with newborn babies and dear friends. It is still a challenge; a challenge that I struggle with before flying away from the States, am able to ignore a majority of the time then come to grips with as I see the reverse coming into view. I'm leaving in a week. Traveling back to the States and away from Ecuador, again, for an uncertain amount of time. The last time I left this beautiful country without knowing when I would return resulted in quite the somber viaje home, to English-speaking turf. It's reality. I'm not sure when I will be back, but I certainly cannot imagine this being the last visit. There are mountains to scale (and share), friends to reconnect with, streets to wander, cafes to stumble upon and Spanish to be spoken.

My reality is quickly shifting and I'm afraid. Yep, I said it. I'm afraid. As exciting as newness and change is, it's absolutely terrifying. 20-year-old Kelli creeps back into view to provide a little empathy on this situation. It's el opuesto (the opposite). I'm not excited and terrified by Ecuador right now. It's the other hemisphere that scares me. So many reasons to feel this way creep into my mind, but are thankfully silenced quickly when I realize - I didn't put this plan together. But, really. Sure, I put pen to paper and I followed through with the decision making of my next step in life, but the pieces were laid out for me quite clearly. Georgia beckons and I trust in the goodness that I've been promised for what is to come.
I've recognized this before, but the range of emotions that can flow through my mind/body in a given day are astonishing! I look forward with an interesting chaos of thoughts, questions and feelings.

To quote Rainier Maria Rilke:

"…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

To put it plainly, I've never felt like this before. I'm sure it can be attributed to a multitude of factors, but it's clear that I haven't sat on this bed in this state of mind before. Sure, excited and terrified describes the base of my feelings, but it's different this time.
I know that once Winter comes, I'll never be the same. Maybe, it's dramatic. But more than anything it's real. I believe the future holds answers that I'll be ready for as they come, but I can hardly catch my breath when I consider them now. To think about the changes, the growth, the challenge, the preparation, the joy and the sorrow that I've endured since Spring of 2009 draws me into a state of great appreciation and peaceful expectation of the next six years and beyond. Again, as I'm sure I've revealed previously, I believe in the perfect preparation that God provides and that we are invited to ask for as we look towards where we're headed. Sometimes the vision is clear and sometimes it's mottled beyond comprehension, but it's incredibly breathtaking when people, places and things are prepared by the one who loves us completely. Sure, it's not always a field of lavender, but even when it's a patch of briars I am pulled to trust that this too shall be made well.

Love. I find it fascinating how deeply we can care for one another and how that looks so drastically different in each of our relationships.

“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks… the work for which all other work is but preparation.” -R.M.R.

I'm grateful for the ways through which I have come to know and am coming to know love.

reality is hard

This post was started in May. Decided to pick it back up today... it seemed fitting.



What do I have to be thankful for? Too many things to mention.
Why, then, does sorrow still come?

Reality is that we are human, we are imperfect, we fail and we love. Those things are hard. I desire to save myself and others from pain, but that is not possible.

People we love leave this life and people we love live this life differently than we would hope.

This may seem negative or sad, but it's a process. I'm in the midst of processing some aspects of life that aren't incredibly smile-inducing and that's OK.

Here's the update portion that those of you that know me will be able to connect:
My Grandpapa passed on to life eternal this month. I went home to see him off and be with my family as we made preparations for his memorial service. I parted ways with a man that I love tremendously and am trying to respect the hole he left in my heart all while continuing to live my life. My Grandpapa was present. I grew up with him as a constant in my life. Many childhood weekends and afternoons were spent with Grandpapa. He was the Patriarch of the family, and as stubborn as he could be, we placed him in power. It was deserved him. He worked hard to love his wife, raise his family, be engaged in life fully and make his mark on this world. I trusted my Grandpapa fully. Sure, I learned things in college that made me aware of our differences in opinions, but that didn't change my willingness to sit with him and hear his piece. He mattered. I learned from my dad that Grandpapa was important. The time and energy that my dad invested in Grandpapa was astounding. He always knew how he was doing and what was new in his life; Grandpapa felt the same way about my dad... they let each other in. I watched my dad carefully during my time at home. There were times of deep sorrow and times of joy as he attempted to move through this gaping hole. I respect him even more now than I did before.



The seasons are changing here. The trees and lakes show no sign of it, yet a transition is in the works. Another summer has ended to make way for the approaching autumn. Most of the summer staff have made their treks homeward and I find myself left in the wake; again, navigating that gaping hole. In less than 3 days we'll be welcoming students to spend four months with us and I'm not sure if I'm ready. This semester marks my last season with Summit Adventure. Come the New Year, I will be trekking homeward as well. Opportunity, family and the unknown beckon me. Georgia will be home again and life will look different.

I'm surrounded by newness. Six families in my life are getting ready to have their first baby! Four of those are in my community here, in California. One is in North Carolina and one is my brother and sister-in-law in Georgia. With this, I feel a bit of a rejuvenated hope. I could move into talking about hope for the future of our world, but that would take too much time and energy at this point. Two things I'm lacking at the moment. The short-term hope is beautiful, too. Hope that I'll get to meet these Californian babies before I go and hope that I'll get to have a special relationship with my first niece through being closer to them in Georgia.

The cohesiveness of this writing is going downhill fast, therefore I'll call it complete. Even though, it's quite imperfect and quite unfinished.

this one's for you

I suspect I know who the first to read this will be. She needn't be named :) Thanks for the encouragement to put "pen to paper" and I hope this will open up a notebook for you as well.

My recent readings include mostly scholastic works centered around communication and leadership... working towards a masters degree will do that to your bookshelf. Today I read a few chapters in our next book, one that focuses on multicultural leadership. I want to share a pretty hefty quote with you and explore where it took my mind:

"Author M. Scott Peck, after searching for the keys to human fulfillment in his classic best seller The Road Less Traveled, turned his attention to the role community plays in people's well-being. Peck found that people thirst for a sense of place and belonging. He envisioned a world in which a 'soft individualism' acknowledges our interdependence. Rugged individualism demands that we always put our best foot forward, hide our weaknesses and insecurities, and don a mask of self-sufficiency. This leaves people feeling inadequate, exhausted, and alone. Peck believed that humanity stands on the brink of annihilation if community and interdependence are not rewoven, stating 'In and through community lies the salvation of the world.'"

The author goes on to explain how cultures embodying Peck's opinion value generosity and taking care of one another. Finally, claiming that this type of orientation can heal much of the social malaise that unbridled individualism, overwork and materialism have spawn. To paraphrase Alexis de Tocqueville, balancing individualism with the collective good will reinforce the social context and fabric of community because unchecked individualism has lead to emotional isolation and fragmentation.

As I was reading on my couch this rainy morning, I caught a glimpse of something probably eight feet away on a shelf: a wooden, hand-carved "Peace on Earth" that my mother gave me for Christmas this year. That's it. I'm not sure if Mom knew what she was giving me, but it embodies my desire for this life and what I believe to be a universal desire that gets clouded. If you were to ask anyone, a random stranger, if they desire peace on Earth, don't you think they'd say yes? I do. Wouldn't you say yes?

We are lacking peace. Not only do we inflict a lack of peace on others through our actions and words daily, but look at the world news today... it's not about one person causing harm to another, it's about natural disasters striking the nations one after the other. In the last three days, a major volcanic eruption in Chile and the largest earthquake of record to hit Nepal in the past 81 years are causing chaos across the globe. We are lacking peace. These natural disasters took over the news after over a week of stories surrounding the world's views on what the Ottoman Empire did to Armenian Christians in Turkey from 1915 to 1917. We are lacking peace, but maybe effort is and can be made to restore it?

Reading Peck's words about 'rugged individualism' makes me cringe a little bit. I recognize those tendencies in myself even as I attempt to extract myself from the U.S. individualism lifestyle everyday. I have felt the negative effects of living an individualistic life and I want to leave that behind. I want us, as a people, to drop our false-perfections in order to live realistically with people who come alongside one another through love and compassion as they encourage each other towards growth. We are a people created to be in relationship. Relationship with one another, with our Creator and with creation.

Ok, let's think metaphor. Fragmentation, as mentioned by de Tocqueville in relation to what will happen if we continue to live a life of unchecked individualism, still has the same definition now as it did then: "The process or state of breaking or being broken into small or separate parts." Who would admit to wanting that? Fragmentation happens when marriages end, when families are split, when bones are broken, the list continues... None of these events have positive connotations in our society, yet we continue to involve ourselves in lifestyles that lead to them. The change won't happen over night, but it takes individuals willing to sacrifice their individualism for community every day.

I moved back and forth with the above-mentioned reading and Edward Abbey's Desert Solitaire. In his introduction, Abbey cautions readers, "Do not jump in your automobile next June and rush out to the Canyon country hoping to see some of that which I have attempted to evoke in these pages." He goes on to explain that most of what he includes in the following pages no longer exists. This book, that dives into the Canyon country and the mystery within, is a memorial to what used to be. We have the chance every day to let what used to be lie and to see what is for the first time. We must walk into that. We must appreciate and learn from what was, and let it launch us forward into what is to come. There are days that I find myself afraid of what is to come because the outlook seems so grim. There are other days where I am elated with the thought of a distant or not-so-distant future that seems hopeful. As someone striving to live as a 'little Christ' in this life, I'm called to choose hope. To pray for peace. To walk boldly into this artistic creation that has been tainted by its inhabitants and still call it 'good.'

--With all do respect, E. Abbey, I will jump in my car and drive to the Canyon country. I will heed your careful advice, though. I will not expect to find the lands you describe. Nor will I expect to see perfection. That's where my understanding will shift and grow and morph. I will see it for the first time, knowing that it was different yesterday and will be different tomorrow, but trusting that God, in all God's glory, will show God's self to me within it. We may be really great destroyers, but somehow God sustains us and God's creation. I pray that I will always have my eyes open to see what the Lord has made.

Salsa, Soul, and Spirit: Leadership for a Multicultural Age by Juana Bordas
Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey

kitchen table. tea and toast.

Bundled up with a bit of snow left outside my window, I sit at the kitchen table. Alone. I’m still buzzing from the flurry that was my day. In an attempt to recollect my calm, I’ve made a steaming mug of tea and toasted a slice of homemade bread with my very own apple butter lathered on top. Dessert.

The days run out quickly as there is more dark than light this season. Winter is here. Pretty sure we’ve already gotten more snow than in full seasons prior. Eight inches could be an understatement; I didn’t get out the ruler. Actually, I don’t have a ruler.

(Regularly I walk the tightrope of living simply and being prideful about living simply. Hence, I almost deleted my sentence about not having a ruler.)

Life, my life, is in a constant state of change. That seems a bit ironic, I know, but completely truthful. Just when I think I’m rolling into a season that I’ve done before, that will give me more rest than the previous one, something shifts. Some outside force (not usually to be reckoned with) mixes up my life again. I hope I can always be, and come across as, grateful for these seasons, no matter how surprising or challenging they may be. Just as I breathe a sigh of relief that my fall filled with traveling to unfamiliar places filled with unfamiliar people is over, I realize I’m only sleeping my own bed for three weeks before I leave again. I’ll be headed to spend the Holidays with family back east.

For all of the abovementioned travel, I am unquestionably thankful. Getting to travel to faraway cities and states in order to build relationships with people as I introduce them to the organization for which I work, is quite spectacular. Conversation is most rich when it’s filled with passion, and I get that. After a long chat with someone hearing about their lives and sharing with them the opportunities that I believe could offer them even more growth, I am energized. Sure, after a week of those conversations interspersed with not-so-passionate conversations, I’m stinking tired. I wake early to carry my weary bones to the airport and unlike in the past, I hardly say a word to anyone I meet along the way. By that time I’m ready for rest. Ready for the comfort of a bed with month-old sheets and a hand-me-down couch. And quiet.

As far as the travel I’m about to do, it’s hard to explain my feelings towards it. I’m eagerly awaiting time spent with seldom-seen family… tossing little cousins in the air, cooking with aunts in the kitchen, joking around and drinking a bit too much with uncles and cousins-turned-friends after the kids go to bed, and most of all long mornings at the kitchen table with my folks.

Thankfully, even though the house isn’t the same, the kitchen table hasn’t changed. It’s the same kitchen table where we grew up having dinner at every night, blew out countless (well, I guess if I tried hard enough) birthday candles with friends and family gathered around, hid underneath when you couldn’t think of a better spot for hide-and-go-seek, did homework at until you cried because you just didn’t understand, and laughed, a lot.

Back to the point at hand, before I reminisced about our kitchen table… I’ll be spending two weeks back east for the Holidays. These are two of the three weeks I usually spend there each year. It seems like such a small amount of time when I put it into words. Yet, I recognize that I have a family here as well; as I’ve mentioned before, I have a home here too. There are people that I’d like to share more of this season with, families that have loved me really well, friends that have invested in me and visa versa. It’s a beautiful pull to have. With all of that being said, I know I will want to freeze time and stay longer once I get there.

Kathleen Norris has taken over a large percentage of my reading these past few months.

To quote Norris, “I have learned to trust the processes that take time, to value change that is not sudden or ill-considered but grows out of the ground of experience. Such change is properly defined as conversion, a word that at its roots connotes not a change of essence but of perspective, as turning round; turning back to or returning; turning one’s attention to.”

Followed by the ever-inspiring T.S. Eliot, “The end of all our exploring/Will be to arrive where we started/And know the place for the first time.”

Perspective. If anything changes more frequently than our perspective I’d like to become more aware of that thing. If I allow myself to venture down this road, I realize that my perspective changes with every experience I encounter. My perspective on God changes every time I read scripture and allow it to brew thoughts, during each service I attend and seek meaning and truth from the words being spoken, through conversation about life choices and direction with friends, when I see something or someone in a different light than I had before. My perspective on relationships changes every time I engage in one, whether it be new, old, challenging, exciting, scary, uplifting, draining, uncomfortable, passionate, fulfilling, confusing, what have you, because it’s real. And the next time I embark on that journey with someone, my perspective will be different than it was the time before, because of my experience, because of what I learned.

One frustrating thing… I’ll never fully understand someone else’s perspective. No matter how well I know them, no matter how open and honestly they share, it’s like trying to get behind someone’s eyes. Like trying to see the world through the lens that has been molded throughout their lifetime. It’s a bit disappointing. I treasure relationships. I enjoy investing in people that I care about, and being invest in by them. I have to remind myself that I will never fully know the inner-workings and the hidden perspective that has been so delicately woven into every ounce of their being. Hm. Will I ever fully know that of myself?

one of the stunning perspectives from Dewey Point

autumn arises

The fall colors surprised me. Driving from Oakhurst to Lone Pine, I wasn't ready for the aspens in their fiery state. I'm not complaining. The changing of leaves in autumn has always (for as long as I can remember) been a pretty special time of year for me. Growing up in Georgia, in a home surrounded by maples and oaks, I got used to watching the leaves make their shift as the air turned crisp until we gathered them all together on the ground and looked up at the naked trunk left in it's wake.

This past week gave me the opportunity to explore with a sweet friend of mine. We explored the depths of thought and experience as we traveled through the Eastern Sierra. We individually met with God at Convict Lake (pictured above) and then came back together in awe of our time spent there. We breeched conversations we'd never had, we found out things we hadn't known, and we shared wisdom with one another. It was life-giving. It was encapsulated by the greater experience of sloughing off the dead and dying leaves in order to give way to new growth. Aka, autumn.

psalm 25 - teach me your paths

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

O my God, in you I trust;
    let me not be put to shame;
    let not my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
    they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
    teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are the God of my salvation;
    for you I wait all the day long.

Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,
    for they have been from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
    according to your steadfast love remember me,
    for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Good and upright is the Lord;
    therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
    and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
    for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

For your name's sake, O Lord,
    pardon my guilt, for it is great.
Who is the man who fears the Lord?
    Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.
His soul shall abide in well-being,
    and his offspring shall inherit the land.
The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,
    and he makes known to them his covenant.
My eyes are ever toward the Lord,
    for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
    bring me out of my distresses.
Consider my affliction and my trouble,
    and forgive all my sins.

Consider how many are my foes,
    and with what violent hatred they hate me.
Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!
    Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
    for I wait for you.

Redeem Israel, O God,
    out of all his troubles.

I find myself... rejuvenated

Reason #1 for rejuvenation: 14 hours of sleep in my own bed
Reason #2: the creation of or rekindling of relationships in the Pennsylvania, Ohio, and West Virginia area
Reason #3: I filed my taxes. It's only February. I'm getting $1 from the US government.
Reason #4: I am confident that I'm supposed to be where I am
Reason #5: some espresso

The past 2 months of life have been pretty crazy...
2 weeks in Georgia - family, friends, learning, coffee, Christmas, New Years, new news
less than 48 hours in California - repacking my bags, details, friends
3 weeks in Ecuador - friends (new & not so new), mountain climbing, summiting, partnering, learning, loving, exploring
1 week in California - packing in tons of friend-time, details, working overtime, repacking my bags
1 week in Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Ohio - relationship building, exploring, driving, smiling, coffee, learning, new things, new people, new places, connections

I spent a lot of time looking out windows like this :)

Those short descriptions don't describe the experiences fully, but they give you an idea.
I can honestly say that I enjoy traveling. Sure, it makes me tired sometimes and I miss whatever home I'm not at, but it's good for my soul. In my mind, traveling means relying on other people (and Google maps), making new friends, rekindling relationships, surprises (which I love), long days of conversation followed by quiet drives heading towards hospitable homes waiting to embrace me (when traveling for work), and wearing the same pants everyday without hesitation because I hardly see the same person twice! Travel means opportunity. I became overwhelmed by the realization of what great opportunity sits at my doorstep every day (no matter whose doorstep that is). With that realization comes great thankfulness and eagerness to share opportunity with others.

If you've ever talked to me about what we do at Summit Adventure (the non-profit, adventure and service-based ministry that I work for) I can assure you that my excitement is always genuine, that my passion is never fabricated, and that my eagerness to hear more about you and your life is because I really want to know.

A friend and I were chatting the other day (go figure) and I was telling him about my new found excitement for what we call 'recruiting.' It's all about relationship. My desire is to build relationships with people. I want to know who they are, what are their desires and needs, where do they want to be in their next season of life, and what kind of experiences they want to have? If I can learn about them, I'm more capable of talking to them about the kind of experiences that we provide at Summit and where those could fit in their future.
You probably could've guessed it - I'm understanding that this relates to my life overall. Again, I desire to build relationships with people. I desire to connect people. I desire to see people's lives enriched. I desire to grow and see others grow. I desire to learn and see others learn.

Soon I'll walk out of this coffee shop, into the brisk February air of the Sierra Nevada foothills, and take my quiet drive to my quiet house to complete a quiet evening of reflecting on what the Lord has to teach me in this beautiful season he has me in. My mind is all but quiet.

Hymns of Autumn part1

The remainder of the summer happened, as did the changing of seasons since my last update.
My current state is bundled up in my home, on a comfortable couch, biding time before I go visit with some good friends, and a bit contemplative.

Things I've found myself contemplating lately are: my geographic placement, per usual - thoughts about what 'home' means to me and all the different places I find it, the ideas of contentment and discontentedness (brought on by a conversation with a kind coffee roaster friend), working myself out of a job (purposefully), friends moving, and dogs.

A few tidbits about my life recently… nothing too profound, just a couple things that have changed or happened recently: I bought new pants (if you know me, you know this is oddly a big deal… I'm frugal and I wear the same pants forever because it works), during my recent recruiting trip I spent time with 8 dear friends in the southeast (this was life-giving), I finished two books (the curious incident of the dog in the night-time and love does), Kristen (who Ben & I used to live with) and I are renting a house (I bought furniture and was given appliances, and am sleeping on a bed on the floor with my grandmother's quilt), I can't stop looking at the sky because autumn is turning into winter.

-- I took a little break from writing this post and am starting back up again --

Thanksgiving found me in Washington with these two friends who just moved to Camp Indianola and Kerri Ann, who flew in from Georgia, creating a new tradition. The hope is that for the next few years we'll spend Thanksgiving together at one of our homes on the "Left Coast" as Curtiss calls it.

Blogging at a coffee shop the size of my bedroom in a small town, full of conversation... not so productive. More later.

where does that leave me?

greetings friends, family, strangers even

It's been a long while since I wrote anything, some influence of a friend compels me. A new leaf has been turned, I'll say, as of yesterday. Maybe it's too soon to say, but I think saying it makes it more real. Being humbled by a 14,000ft peak has a way of moving something within me to change. Negative thoughts of inadequacy push me to take the reins and go forward. Quickly.

The city in which I sit will continue to be my physical home for at least the next 2 years. Consistency of the geographic location of my pillow is happening. Sort of. Tomorrow is the final push of moving out of my house for the past 9 months. I shared that 2 bedroom 1 1/2 bath with 2 people that I cherish deeply and know more fully because of our time there. Thankfulness seems like an understatement. The next 2 months will be spent sleeping outside at Base surrounded by anywhere from 1 to 13 people; depending on the night. After that - the unknown awaits. Looking for a place to rent for possibly 2 years. It's a wild reality, and a search that I haven't had the time to put much effort into, yet.

I've come to the realization that I am surrounded by astounding human beings. My friends are unique and amazing. Climbing 19,000ft peaks at 2am, toting toddlers every day with a smile, scaling the tallest granite monolith in the world (several times), serving selflessly in the community and their homes, cycling 100+ miles, running 20K+, and loving whole heartedly with gentle compassion. It took me struggling up a mountain and recognizing defeat to come to this realization. It's a no-brainer that feelings of inadequacy would creep up on me when I take a look around.
The learning comes in this: my worth is not found there. God has told me over and over that he doesn't calculate those accomplishments when computing my worth. The equation never changes, the numbers used were decided before my mother even knew my face. My worth is stagnant - never thought I'd use that word with a positive connotation. Sure, it's great and all to do what I do well and to be in the physical condition to excel at the above mentioned feats, but that's not where my worth comes from.

The change has been sparked in my mind, will occur more immediately physically, and my hope is that it will continue to be a shift in understanding and appreciation of myself.

shedding light (part2)

Now for the past couple months of life with four college students, co-workers, housemates, friends (new and not-so-new), and many travels.

Some tidbits from life in California during January with four college students:
- the students arrived (David, Jamie, Katy and Derek) and adventures began
- night hike up to Mono Rock to spend time exploring the starry sky
- visits to the big town of Fresno for airport runs and REI trips, getting last minute gear
- silent retreat the coldest night of the year at Fresno Dome
- snow camping and cross country skiing for the students' first time in Yosemite's Badger Pass
- Sunday night dinners at Base either around the dinner table or huddled close to the wood burning stove
- movie night at my place in our warmest attire because my housemates and I choose frugality over abundance of propane-induced heat
- youth group happenings with the young folks at the Journey Vineyard
- APU student introductions and sharing chapel together on Fridays
- preparing for our time in Ecuador and 4 day a week classes with Tom

Aside from the new additions to my community, I was able to take time with friends either just chatting, hiking around the nearby hills, going for runs, sharing coffee or tea, exercising via Latin dancing or worshiping the Lord together at the Old Barn, and super good game nights or much needed community gatherings at my house throughout this month of January.

Time flew and before I knew it, all of my preparations were coming to fruition as the students and I took flight. Quite literally, we flew from Fresno to Quito and overnight were thrust into the big city awaiting our immersion into the Ecuadorian culture. Again, I found myself 'home.'
The past 5 weeks we've been in and around the city of Quito, Ecuador. Taking part in experiences that I can only pray are changing the lives of these students (and myself) for the better! Staying with Ecuadorian families, learning about and partnering with Christian ministries in place to serve Ecuadorian children (with and without families), figuring out how to safely and enjoyably explore the big city (of 3.2 million within a distance of 35 miles by 2-5 miles), climbing glaciated and rock-covered mountains (highest altitude: 17,500ft above sea level), and reflecting on the experiences by journaling and turning that into academic papers.

We're currently taking this week to relax a little bit from the jam-packed schedule and bustle of the city by visiting the town of Banos for 5 days. From coffee shops and hostel balconies papers are being written, conversations are being had, and the students have been a joy to watch as they interact with one another with love. I really enjoy watching people grow and change as they live in community. It's inevitable. God and people change us.

Speaking of changing... Don't get too excited, I'm not changing it up just yet. The ideas floating through my head about life ahead are exciting but definitely not concrete. Please pray about this if you want to talk to Lord about me. Ecuador - a 'home' of mine that I cannot ignore. The questions are: when, in what capacity, with who, for what purpose? If you're a reader of this interesting public journal we call a blog, then it's possible that earlier you've read me say that I don't think it's time for me to leave Summit, God's not done with me here yet. That's still true because I haven't been told something different. That's in part what I'm praying for. To be told something different when the time comes and to have no question when I hear it.
Ideas include: go big, purchase a building and start a bakery / guesthouse / and apartment to live in... partner with a ministry that I have already connected with (school, orphanage, church)... keep coming to Ecuador through Summit's ISAS program... I sit with my eyes open - ready to see the picture more fully, there is currently a shadow cast on most of the vision.

shedding light (part1)

Since my last post, three month's time has passed. I don't promise to cover the entirety of that time in this one post, but something will be put to paper (to screen, rather) that will suffice as an update on events that have occurred and the implications of those experiences on my life, or possibly the lives of others.

A timeline of November until now stretches not only a good chunk of calendar time, but also global space... I started the holiday season in California in my home with two housemates bundled in down jackets and reading books by lamplight. Thanksgiving and Christmas took me back to my biological family in Georgia. I spent this time in a variety of ways: sitting with my grandparents on rainy afternoons, snuggling with my mom on the couch at the house, lending a hand with my dad's latest project in the barn, spending my brother's birthday with him, driving in and out of Atlanta, Augusta, Rome, Athens, Asheville, and a few other towns reaching to spend time with dear friends before my time in the southeast was done. Life lists were found, needed conversations were had, coffee was shared, hugs happened, and adventures commenced!

Post Christmas meant a shift in reality. After being vehicle-less in California for a year and a half, I would be packing the remainder of 'my possessions' in my truck and venturing (with Danae) across the country to put it in park in a different place. Before leaving a California I renewed my driver's license. This was the beginning. Ok, maybe signing the rental agreement was the true beginning... So the next step was while at my parent's house in Winder - going through all of the things I was so sure that I would 'need later' or come back to at some point and really looking it in the face. There were three options: give it to someone else, box it up for my children to come, or take it with me across the country. There was no middle ground. I was tired of having half of my junk in one place and the other half with my life in another as well as having so much junk. So away it went. And so did I.

No better way to spend the first days of 2012, but in the woods, backpacking with my dear friend Danae, chatting about life and where this journey is taking us. Attempting to shed light on the seats in which we sit. Once I dropped Danae at the airport I embarked on the last hour of my journey 'home', alone. Another season awaiting my return. Busyness and business to enter into. A week later the four semester students walked into my life and are still with me today.

That brings us to mid-January. To be continued... sorry to be so curt ;)

the avenger

I was propelled safely by the avenger, Dodge that is, throughout my southeastern travels for the past 2 weeks.
My journey started by taking a long, beautiful train ride to San Diego where I was welcomed in by a dear friend, Leigh and her family. Can you get much better than wonderful company and veggie lasagna?
From there I flew eastward. The Farish-Willifords anxiously awaited my arrival to stay the weekend and catch up on life that has moved so quickly in the passing months since my last visit. They make up one of my many 'homes.'
The next week I stayed within North Carolina until the next weekend spent with Kerri Ann - who I've realized in a real way, is a kindred spirit. It might have been her mother that declared it so, and I whole-heartedly agree. It was a long overdue visit. The following week I continued southward, far enough to meet my 3year-old third cousin, McGinnis - ok, let's talk about overdue...
If you've read some previous blog posts of mine, I believe this idea has been a topic before so bear with me... Experiencing someone's home changes your relationship greatly. I will take that back and speak for myself, changes our relationship greatly.
Leigh in San Diego, F-dubs in Danville, Rachel in Asheville, Dee in Banner Elk, KA (and company) in Greenville, Cousin Marsha in Spartanburg, Aunt Gail in Aiken, and new friends Kaitlyn & Erica in Boiling Springs :)
When I get to see where someone lives, chat with them about real life, face to face, and rest in a place they've made home for me, if only for a night, I gain perspective. Their lives seem so much closer, more real in a way, and have an added specialness that we can share. With that said - I know I live transiently, but that's not to say that I (and my housemates) wouldn't love to have you over. Join us.
Speaking of joining folks - one of the many new relationships God put into my path is with a sweet professor at NGU, Bob. Bob has a dream, a vision if you will, for a future community-made family sharing life together and this caught me. Things like - bringing in foster children, growing necessary food, loving one another, and creating a place for growth and compassion let me know that we'll be in touch again in the future. Maybe he and his wife, along with myself and others will create this beautiful community in the mountains of North Carolina. I've had a few tastes of living in community, and am continuing that currently in a wonderful way, and I have to say that I believe in what I've found. The body of the Lord looks like this.

Enough for now... maybe more highlights from the road later in the week followed by a near future outlook :)

breathing

The past few weeks I've been given many chances to breathe. A few in particular...

Rejoicing with each rider in the Whitney Classic as they crossed the finish line with huge grins and an air of exhaustion mixed with great accomplishment.
My parents came to visit for a few days and finally laid eyes on my life here, as well as, a few of my favorite places in the Sierra. (photos to come)
A lunch date with a dear friend, sister if you will, and her husband - finally had the chance to meet him and hear of their journeys together. A well-timed blessing of listening ears and compassionate hearts.
Catching up on life with my dearest Katie Sue - always necessary and always refreshing.
Enjoying and basking in the shared silence of our own home with my housemate and great friend, Ben.
Evenings with the Agee women, finally sharing life together and cuddling with a beautiful little one.
Our first family night as a staff at our new house. Community-building and just a nice change from the office gatherings we have.
The alcove swing on El Cap - to be a little more accurate, I lost my breath. It was phenomenal. Swinging out at least 100ft over the Valley floor looking back at the largest granite monolith in the world and swimming through the crisp 65 degree air. I couldn't help but laugh.

I'm sure there were more, but those stuck out in my memory. Yes, times of being able to take a deep breath have happened. No, the world hasn't stopped moving ever so quickly. Work is just a going and the next few months will involve work and personal travel, visiting with strangers, friends and family, planning the next semester of work, fostering relationships, and keeping myself in good physical shape in the midst of it all. Oh, did I mention keeping nursery at least one Sunday? :) And driving across the country with Danae - the usual.

Today my eyes walked over two sections of the Bible. James 3 and Psalm 73 (thanks Laura). I seek wisdom and all of the characteristics that go with it. I was chatting with a friend this morning and it's so true that if we ever reach a time where we think we're not being taught something, it's simply because we're not realizing it. The learning never ends if you're seeking anything besides complacency. Learning is good and learning is hard. The end result (once you get there) is worth the mess that you feel in the midst. I'm sure of it. I can read my own accounts, in past journals, of benefits that came out of seasons of being taught really big things. I'm thankful for that. I'll let you know when I reach the conclusion and I'm changed for the better.

It'll be one of those good, deep breaths.

oh the knots

It's been a year and 3 months now since I moved. Not to discredit all of the traveling in between, but technically this has been my home for a bit. The end date of that reality is fuzzy and I'm ok with that. It's not time to leave.

The summer came and went in between now and my last post. Having more that just an instructor position this summer has proven to be a little consuming. When I'm not in the field, I'm in the office. I am thankful for my jobs (all at the same organization) and at the same time wondering when I'll slow down... does that happen again?

Last week Danae visited - a lot of firsts were had; as was a lot of great conversation, laughter, adventuring, and sitting. Even now it's hard to believe that such a great and dear friend who knows me from my life in Georgia was here, in California, getting a glimpse into my life here and the beauty that surrounds me. I couldn't be more thankful for that sweet time. It's interesting... I slept a ton, was with someone I can truly relax around, was loved on, and was given a chance to love - yet I still found myself pooped out. I guess living out of a car for a week and traveling all around trying to hit some really good spots will do it with the planner in me. It was nice though, not having to get every step planned beforehand and knowing that we would rather have it that way. Now when I tell stories of the people I share life with here, she'll know who I'm talking about. I like that.

I found myself just yesterday, saying that "if I can just get through this month, I'll be able to breathe." I don't really like the sound of that. I would rather not dread a single moment in life. My grandmother, such a sweet woman, said to never dread a year of your life; there might be some significant birthdays that people give special credit to like 16, 18, 21, 30, etc. but never dread a birthday. That exemplifies her spirit. No day is worthy of dread or of worry. I want to live in that Truth.

I have quite the month of September ahead, and yes plenty of details to forget and things to leave untended accidentally, but I'd like to hand that over tonight and be rid of the knots in my stomach. If you know me... you know I get joy out of doing things well - that usually includes organization, attention to detail, and a little something I am able to add to hopefully make it better than before. All of this takes effort that I want to exert and that wares me down after a while. I need more than myself here and I forget that.

Two things I'm looking forward to continuing:

1. I finally sat down with a needle and thread (for the second time this summer) a couple weeks ago and mended a couple purses, sewed on a few buttons, and got excited for sewing again. Yep - I want to continue the mending and move into creating as well.

2. Last night I had a breakthrough in the kitchen. Kelli meets the food processor. This relationship is just beginning and took way too long to happen. I made original/chickpea hummus followed by black bean hummus (thank you Libby) and finished the night with almond butter (a hint of salt and cinnamon). Wow. This year will be good for creating my own foods instead of buying pre-processed and tonight I've embarked on learning more about foods that help you cleanse. My body needs a little bit of that here lately.

I'll just say one more time how thankful I am for the friends I have the chance to share life with here. Recently found out that Ben will be sticking around longer than expected - he'll be a good addition to the off-season (not summer) community I've been provided here.

Here's me, trying to untie the knots - needing another hand.

deeply rooted

This post is one I never posted - from the very beginning of the summer...

"Come, let us return to the LORD"

It's quite incredible to realize that a year ago I was sitting in this very place probably scared out of my wits. It was a new home, 3000 miles from home, with people I had never met, in a place I wanted to know so badly. Now I'm here to welcome in the new members of our community and excitedly reunite with returning friends from all over the United States. We converge here, at Summit, in this small town right on the verge of wilderness. We've been brought here so specifically.

Excitement. Joy. Anxiousness. Butterflies. Peace. Awe.

All of those feelings come to the surface as late spring thunderstorms turn into broken clouds where blue shines through ready to bring in the summer. Once that change occurs - you'll find me dancing. I'm ready to sit out in the hammock without a down jacket and noticably see the rise of the lake as the snow in the high country melts.

After spending 3 weeks back in the eastern US I've returned to California and God has prepared me for this new season - and will continue preparing me I'm sure. Those 3 weeks were a treasure. I had time to sit on the couch with my parents, have lunch dates all over Georgia with many friends, go on bike rides & swims, and spend a weekend with family in sunny Florida. It was needed and refreshing. It was difficult to leave - bittersweet like usual. Especially when my mom decides to tell me that she's not ready for me to leave and almost cries at the airport as she hugs me goodbye. Good hugs - it felt good to be loved by people who know me.

Looking forward to this. Thankful. Breathing deeply.

the mosquitos are in

brendon - first time pulling over at tunnel view

dubie getting some height - oh jumping pictures

today started early... well, kind of. Quarter to 6 rolled around as we woke to see of Bekah. Her car was loaded, room cleaned out, and journey completely calculated - down to the campsite reservations. After waving goodbye on the steps of base beside April and Brendon, we crept our way back to bed. I lay there letting the reality of the morning sink in. ISAS spring 2011, closing; my first semester as the program coordinator and RD, completed; one more day and a half of responsibility and then time to reflect and relax. The reflection has begun.

springtime has arrived... the mosquitos are biting and folks are sneezing - thank you Oak trees. I look contentedly to the next season as I mourn the leaving of my two students and dear friends. A conversation with my boss today and the productivity of this past week has proved to be most encouraging.

The Lord gives us opportunities to trust, or grasp tightly to our own plans, to praise, or call it coincidence, to thank, or ignore his provisions, to cry out, or push away our need for him, to grow, or sit stagnantly in an easy place, to love, or contain the gift he's given us.

I choose to be in this hard place where the money's tight, the work is by the month, the numbers are low, the odds are against us, the office is quiet, and God is at work.

I ask to be put in situations that are cold, wet, painful, arduous, unknown, relentless, adventurous, scary, magnificent, awe-inspiring, and/or just plain stinky.

There are a few things my students learned this semester... if you don't get uncomfortable - you miss out on a lot of learning and growing; sure - in the midst of your adventurings, there will be times when you're wishing you were at home snuggled up by the electric heater - but really if you were at home instead you'd be wishing you were out adventuring; life goes fast - say it like you mean it and it's not worth it to pass up opportunities even if they make you stretch.

3 much needed weeks of vacation back east to come. It's been a while since I've hugged my family - I'm ready for that.

I'm also ready for a few days devoted to going off to a quiet place - I have no doubt that some alone-time is in my plans. That became clear the other day and I don't know where or when but I'm excited about it.

oh the sweet unexpected

Ever since returning from Ecuador the sweet unexpected has been abundant. After settling back into my home in Bass Lake, the snow moved in and the power went out. This meant another move - my boss and his family regained power more quickly than I, so my students and I moved in. I was there for about a week. The beautiful times spent cooking as a family, chatting with Carey in the evenings, and quiet mornings with coffee, my friendly journal, and the Word are irreplaceable. What I didn't realize during this fun-filled visit was the toll it was having on my weariness. I was ready to get to my own bed and into a schedule again. The following week norm creept back in as we had class times and work days followed by ski adventures and good friend-time. Well... normal is an interesting term around here. This past week was more on the normal side and filled with cooky weather, home projects and community time with Nols & Colleen, family and friends at Graham & Sarah's, and some much needed conversations with best friends! :) As I get more and more adjusted to life here, I'm planning for 16 days in the best (and pretty dang cold) home a girl could ask for... the wilderness. The students, Ben and I will be embarking on quite the snow-filled adventure April 15-30. Pray for safety, discernment, and learning if you think about us. What I mean by adjusting to life here, is that I'm finding relationships with people in this community that I want to continue to pursue... I play ultimate or whatever else comes up in the park in town on beautiful afternoons... I catch up with friends at the local coffee shop regularly, unscheduled... and I find myself torn when it comes to missing church on Sundays. The last thing, about church on Sundays, was part of the sweet unexpectedness of this season. Looking forward... immediately there are inevitably things we cannot expect to find on our expedition until we get there... in the near future there are aspects about this summer at Summit that I'm not sure what to envision... in the near distant future I'm continually unsure of the sweet unexpected changes of the roof over my head and company on my paycheck. God I will wait for you. and it is important for all of my readers to know that I am loved by Katie Sue!!!! -thanks to my underwrite, Katie Sue Burns